notwhatiusedtobe wrote: I feel pretty much the same Sizemic. Though I\'m not going through partners at quite the same rate, and I struggle with ED, which makes my habits even more ridiculous. It really is more of a product of boredom and apathy, indifference to my own true self improvement, than it is an irrepressible sex drive. Not to say I don\'t greatly enjoy sex, but after awhile it\'s a pretty stupid thing to pursue on its own, divorced from the context of your development as a person. I don\'t really get that enamored, heady, giddy feeling for another person anymore. That interest in who they are, those daydreams and reveries, moments of anticipating just being near someone. I\'m like a sexual zombie, a lumbering undead half hard on groaning \"vuuuugiiiina\" as I lurch across the desolate plains of postmodern America.
Dude I relate on so many levels here... for one the ED thing... In the last 4 years I would honestly bet there is AT LEAST 20 times with new girls (some of them very hot) with whom I just couldn\'t get hard for at that time... Even if I thought its what I wanted at the time and I feel very mentally turned on. Talk about a buzz-
. I always just shrug it off because I\'ll just be with another girl soon enough and forget about it, but I feel like it happens more than it should for a 26 year old...
Boredom is a big one... Sometimes I\'ll be sitting in my bed late at night and just tinder or message girls for the sake of it. Never know when a chance could arise.
I don\'t get giddy or enamored for another person anymore either... It\'s at the point where I can cheat on someone and not even feel bad about it and in a weird twisted way justify it as if it wasn\'t actually cheating.
I miss that feeling. I just don\'t know anymore if its even possible.
ilovetofu wrote: Desolate indeed. Someone once said: \"Sexual satisfaction is a dissatisfaction to the spiritual.\"
Do you know why you feel the indifference, apathy, etc??? Is it just a bout of ennui, or more complicated than that? Are you chronically unhappy or dissatisfied with life? What is the trap of your dissatisfaction? I ask because I have had similar sentiments. But I make countless excuses - conscious and subconscious - that often keep me from believing I\'m worthy of an amazing life or trusting that I have what it takes to create it. I\'m always reminded of Milton Berle who said: \"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.\"
Maybe our postmodern world and its endless possibilities breeds perpetual discontent. The problem with making a virtual world of oneself is akin to the problem with projecting ourselves onto a cyberworld: there's no end of virtual spaces in which to seek stimulation, but their very endlessness, the perpetual stimulation without satisfaction, becomes imprisoning.
First of all... very deep. I like it.
I\'d say I definitely make subconscious and conscious excuses that keep me from believing I am worthy... I am no psychiatrist but I believe it is the combination of cheating on my ex-fiance (before we got engaged... I felt so bad I told her right after it happened) and my PE/porn/sexual stimulation addiction.
Even though I tried as hard as I possibly could, I totally transformed my life and tried to be the best man I could for her after I cheated (the engagement even came after I cheated) but the damage was done and she left. Maybe I never really forgave myself. Maybe I feel like a dissatisfied / greasy life like this is what I deserve for what I did to her.
You are right about the perpetual endless stimulation of the net and the endless possibilities is imprisoning and constantly making me think the grass is greener with someone else or someone new.
The only true end I can foresee to this is some sort of spirit quest where I swear off sex, porn, women and masturbation for a period and just go somewhere else in the world for a wake up call... then again that could just be a form of running away.
Dude do you study philosophy or anything of the sort? I\'m in a graduate program right now and this falls right in line with my studies currently:
\"The problem with making a virtual world of oneself is akin to the problem with projecting ourselves onto a cyberworld: there's no end of virtual spaces in which to seek stimulation, but their very endlessness, the perpetual stimulation without satisfaction, becomes imprisoning.\"