TOPIC: Chester's Chicken Coop

So apparently Jd succeeded in diverting the intended discussion on this thread, which by the way, is clearly stated in my first post. This thread is not about my ego or accomplishments. It\'s about addressing actual inquiries that I\'ve received, and posts that I\'ve come across, where it is abundantly clear a guy needs help in dealing with women in a courting scenario. It\'s a specialty for me, and all that happens if I don\'t share my expertise is only one person benefits. As a member of this board who has benefited from, and is very appreciative of, the expertise of others, in other areas of which I\'m certainly no expert, I felt it was the right thing to do to share mine. That\'s it. Nothing more. I also made it clear in the initial post that it\'s almost impossible to do something like this without sounding like I\'m totally full of myself and on an ego trip. Perhaps Jd missed that. What I should have included in the first post was the fact that this thread isn\'t limited to my guidance on this subject, as I encourage other members with putang skills to share their tips as well. On a deeper level there\'s probably some egotistical satisfaction that I derive from retelling stories of former conquests, but that\'s the case with anyone with experience sharing their advice. If you don\'t think guys who have attained much bigger dicks don\'t get at least a little pleasure from sharing their advice to those who haven\'t yet achieved their size, then you\'re delusional.

Bottom line: I have a lot of experience in getting pussy, and I\'m willing to share with those who need the help. If any members have experience in getting pussy, please feel free to help these guys out on this thread. Your guidance and tips are welcome.

Jd, I\'ve heard that advice about loud talkers too. Apparently you don\'t seem to understand that you\'re on a forum where people *have* to talk about past experience in order to qualify advice. What good is telling someone how to do something if you can\'t even show them examples of you doing it successfully? Seriously dude, go relax somewhere, or find something else to do because you\'re clearly not helping men who need it on this board.

Farmer no not like that. Peep this out....

1. You outright pay for sex= prostitute.

2. You meet a girl, wine and dine her spend your $$$ on her, maybe get laid. You in essence paid to get laid indirectly.

3. You meet several girls like in scenario #2 now you are paying for several pieces of ass indirectly.

4. You start dating one or two. Flowers, movies, trips, cards, shows, concerts ectera, you are renting that pussy still. You dont own it yet.

5. You get married. You are now leasing it long term possibly short term. You never know. Either way it still costs you to maintain her. Still dont own it.

You never own her. You pay for 10 years maybe 15. You see a newer model fewer miles, so you upgrade trade her in. Now you pay long term divorce and alimony, plus now you are back to renting yet another peice.

So yes you never own it but pay your whole life so its on loan, lease or rented one way or another

My current method is to offer girls money in hope that I can convince them to send me naked pics, and eventually have sex. I\'ve yet to actually try this with girls (bartenders, etc.) in the real world because that takes Balls to ask.

Other than that, I think a direct approach would work best for me rather than beating around the bush with \"where do you work,\" etc.

Believe it or not, I\'ve actually paid someone (a girl) recently to help me work on my sticking points. She says I have extreme anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. That, and alcoholism, which is probably a result of anxiety.

My mind races all the time, but I still couldn\'t start a conversation with Mrs. America if she was sitting right next to me with her legs spread.

Despite my social awkwardness, I also come off as a creep, because even if you\'re saying nothing, you are still communicating simply by existing.

I used to know that I was good in bed, but now not so sure after this Dr. Loria procedure. I hope the aesthetics don\'t scare girls away. I understand that this is not the end of the road and I can get touchups.

lakingsfan35 wrote: Farmer no not like that. Peep this out....

1. You outright pay for sex= prostitute.

2. You meet a girl, wine and dine her spend your $$$ on her, maybe get laid. You in essence paid to get laid indirectly.

3. You meet several girls like in scenario #2 now you are paying for several pieces of ass indirectly.

4. You start dating one or two. Flowers, movies, trips, cards, shows, concerts ectera, you are renting that pussy still. You dont own it yet.

5. You get married. You are now leasing it long term possibly short term. You never know. Either way it still costs you to maintain her. Still dont own it.

You never own her. You pay for 10 years maybe 15. You see a newer model fewer miles, so you upgrade trade her in. Now you pay long term divorce and alimony, plus now you are back to renting yet another peice.

So yes you never own it but pay your whole life so its on loan, lease or rented one way or another

I think that\'s what I said. The $300 tip would be the beginning of the 10 year lease, in a \"perfect\" scenario.

This is assuming she is even willing to sleep with me after catching a glimpse of my weird-looking silicone Dick.

And I don\'t even mind this because giving out money is one thing I\'ve never tried. This could be one of those *eureka* moments of realization.

I just don\'t want to be used like an ATM and hope they would overlook (maybe even like?) my weird silicone Dick.

Which, by the way, I plan to get a lig cut and PMMA in the future.

Amazing you claim to have slept with over 80 women on lpsg.

Done.

Trolling with ya.

lakingsfan35 wrote: Amazing you claim to have slept with over 80 women on lpsg.

Done.

Trolling with ya.

Paid for most of them.

farmerjohn1324 wrote:
Paid for most of them.

FJ, the more I review your posts, the more I believe that you would receive much more benefit from professional counseling on a regular basis. This forum can certainly help you, but you\'re dealing with a considerable underlying issue, which makes it more difficult for you to follow any instruction. A racing mind is definitely part of paranoid schizophrenia, so any advice that you get is moot when you\'re dealing with something like this. One of the things I do for my brother is motivate him to go to the gym everyday, as he can count on at least two hours of the day where he can just focus on weights. It\'s a very easy thing for him to do and he does well at it. However, his illness comes with a lack of motivation (depression), and with this kind of problem, any forum advice isn\'t going to do much, except give you some knowledge (that you\'ll most likely sit around and think about, instead of actually do something about it). You really need to attack the underlying issue (learning to relax your mind and assume full control of it by engaging in healthy, peaceful and productive activities) on an everyday basis and start to empower yourself. This takes years, under the supervision of a knowledgeable experienced professional. That\'s where you should be spending your time.

Agreed 100% Chester. Well said

chester wrote: FJ, the more I review your posts, the more I believe that you would receive much more benefit from professional counseling on a regular basis. This forum can certainly help you, but you\'re dealing with a considerable underlying issue, which makes it more difficult for you to follow any instruction. A racing mind is definitely part of paranoid schizophrenia, so any advice that you get is moot when you\'re dealing with something like this. One of the things I do for my brother is motivate him to go to the gym everyday, as he can count on at least two hours of the day where he can just focus on weights. It\'s a very easy thing for him to do and he does well at it. However, his illness comes with a lack of motivation (depression), and with this kind of problem, any forum advice isn\'t going to do much, except give you some knowledge (that you\'ll most likely sit around and think about, instead of actually do something about it). You really need to attack the underlying issue (learning to relax your mind and assume full control of it by engaging in healthy, peaceful and productive activities) on an everyday basis and start to empower yourself. This takes years, under the supervision of a knowledgeable experienced professional. That\'s where you should be spending your time.

By the time I got out of counseling, I\'d be 55 years old.

Plus, I\'ve been to many counselors, most of which did nothing for me.

I would use any advice I got assuming it was from the right person.

I\'m not sure you can \"learn to relax your mind.\" I think that\'s something that medication can take care of or not.

farmerjohn1324 wrote:
By the time I got out of counseling, I\'d be 55 years old. Plus, I\'ve been to many counselors, most of which did nothing for me.

You can\'t think this way. Mental illness isn\'t a quick fix. It\'s also not just counseling, it\'s filling your days with constructive activities that help you build mental/emotional/spiritual strength. You want to be on the Mr. Olympia stage, yet your body is Erkyl-esque. You\'ve gotta put in the time, effort and dedication to pull it off.

farmerjohn1324 wrote: I\'m not sure you can \"learn to relax your mind.\" I think that\'s something that medication can take care of or not.

Yes you can. People do it everyday. I learned to do it years ago and continue as a practice everyday. When I was in my teens I was an incredibly rowdy street fighter, who came under the tutelage of a very knowledgeable boxing trainer in the Bronx. All the rage and anger I had evaporated through a multitude of productive activities in then gym. Train the body, train the mind, train the spirit.

Ok, back to the chicken coop! Here\'s an actual online dating profile of a woman I met recently. She pulls no punches on what she\'s looking for. Check out the bit about length and girth. This is from an actual woman, looking for actual sex, and I share it with you guys so that you can see that not all women are looking for long dicks. It\'s about much more than that. Girth certainly helps though!
Btw, after meeting her once at a coffee shop, I got her to agree to join me for an overnight stay at a hotel when I get back from my holiday vacation. Bitch\'s ass was proppa!

Hot tip: If it has a masseuse on hand, sauna and a pool, you can tell a woman that you\'d like to take her to a luxury spa resort, and she\'ll likely say yes, to an overnight hotel stay.

Chicken- I\'ve appreciated your tips and rules, irrespective of some others. I\'m happily married and in the swinging lifestyle. It\'s easier to lay girls in the LS, but you still have to have relational \"skills\" and I for one, agree with your rules fully. Thanks for the reminders. Please share more!

Thanks, Toolman. This next one is for the youngins.

Lesson # 9: Farts don\'t have to ruin your game.

When I was in my very early twenties, I became conscious of a problem, whenever I went to the bathroom in the pad of a girl I was trying to fuck. By now they had their own apartments (NYC), instead of just a room in the parent\'s house. Apartments in NYC are really small, meaning that bathroom sounds are pretty much audible from any part of the apartment. I would dread having gas because mine were pretty loud, and I was very embarrassed whenever I came back out. Explosively loud farts aren\'t aphrodisiacs. I tried several things, like flushing the toilet as I farted, but nothing really worked. The former was very disruptive to the bowels and pretty uncomfortable, and actually caused more gas. Over time I found something that worked, like a charm. The next time you need to fart silently, try this.

1. While standing, drop your pants and put your hands together as if you were going to pray with your hands flat.
2. Now invert your hands so that they\'re still in the pointed position, but now instead of seeing your knuckles on the outside, you\'re seeing the palms of your hand on the outside.
3. Stick your hands in this position into the center of your butt cheeks, right around the butt hole, and spread your cheeks as tight and wide as you possibly can.
4. Release your gas.

You should hear nothing except for a barely audible hiss. As with anything, the more you practice, the better you get at it. Use the aforementioned tip to prevent any loud distractions to get between you and your potential fuckee.

Lesson # 9: Farts don\'t have to ruin your game.

When I was in my very early twenties, I became conscious of a problem, whenever I went to the bathroom in the pad of a girl I was trying to fuck. By now they had their own apartments (NYC), instead of just a room in the parent\'s house. Apartments in NYC are really small, meaning that bathroom sounds are pretty much audible from any part of the apartment. I would dread having gas because mine were pretty loud, and I was very embarrassed whenever I came back out. Explosively loud farts aren\'t aphrodisiacs. I tried several things, like flushing the toilet as I farted, but nothing really worked. The former was very disruptive to the bowels and pretty uncomfortable, and actually caused more gas. Over time I found something that worked, like a charm. The next time you need to fart silently, try this.

1. While standing, drop your pants and put your hands together as if you were going to pray with your hands flat.
2. Now invert your hands so that they\'re still in the pointed position, but now instead of seeing your knuckles on the outside, you\'re seeing the palms of your hand on the outside.
3. Stick your hands in this position into the center of your butt cheeks, right around the butt hole, and spread your cheeks as tight and wide as you possibly can.
4. Release your gas.

You should hear nothing except for a barely audible hiss. As with anything, the more you practice, the better you get at it. Use the aforementioned tip to prevent any loud distractions to get between you and your potential fuckee.

Lol, this is genius, the best thing about this board for me is hearing straight guys talk about the same shit gay guys do. My best friend farted in the face of a guy who was eating his ass. The guy wrote him a long illiterate, phonetically spelled letter about how offended he was. I stole the letter and had it framed. It was on my kitchen wall for years. I told him to tell the guy he was just blowing him a kiss.
It reminded me of that saying - hang around a barbershop long enough and sooner or later you will end up with a haircut.