If she is having issues with sex it can be understood from what you describe, but she must also understand what it means to you. If she cannot or does not want to, leave her. If she can hear what you have to say and can, within one or two days, decide to accept the reality of what you said and how you feel, then she will realize that she must do something.
If not, either she does not care about you or she is simply totally stuck with her own problems. Whether you want to spend years trying to fix a broken person, or not, is your personal choice. I have understood that we cannot change people who do not want to change. In such a case I would move on to someone else, because life is precious and, helping people is a full time job. Not mine.
There is one book that could help .it is called \" The erotic mind : unlocking the inner sources of passion and fulfillment\" by Jack Morin. In fact it is a great read for pretty much everyone.
Mudball wrote: Hey I agree with everyone, but like I said I think you should just confront her with it directly. Put it out there , if you didn\'t give a crap about her, then don\'t , but it sounds like you do! So what do you have to lose by telling her the deal. And like I said I was also in a relationship that was lacking on the sex side and do not stay with her if she is not committed to you fully!! You seem like a great guy, with a good ! No matter what you do or how you do it .... You deserve better! Good luck! It is always easier for someone out side to tell you what to do...it is a meat grinder when you care for someone and they hurt you!!
I completely agree with you. Its easier said than done. I do remember bringing it up in a text. She told me it was good for the relationship. I dont know maybe she want to be on a deeper level with me or not. Like I said in my first post she\'s been with a LOT of guys and her herself has a shaky past. I know she\'s been raped a few times by people she knew and boyfriends. Mainly all her relationships were based around sex. Im trying to convince myself that maybe she\'s doing this because she really likes me and want to try something different. I dont know.. This is rough for me. Believe it or not its not that bad. The reason im upset about it because it depletes my manhood and make me think maybe im not good enough. thats what bothers me the most, not me not getting pussy.
Hey I agree with everyone, but like I said I think you should just confront her with it directly. Put it out there , if you didn\'t give a crap about her, then don\'t , but it sounds like you do! So what do you have to lose by telling her the deal. And like I said I was also in a relationship that was lacking on the sex side and do not stay with her if she is not committed to you fully!! You seem like a great guy, with a good ! No matter what you do or how you do it .... You deserve better! Good luck! It is always easier for someone out side to tell you what to do...it is a meat grinder when you care for someone and they hurt you!!
Thanks you guys so much... It seems my only option is to leave her. I love her so much and it almost brings me to tears at the thought of having to break up with her. Im going to see her on thursday. We\'ll be alone and I\'ll try and make a move. If she rejects me I\'ll make my decision from there.
The worst move I made in my life was to marry a woman who was not into sex. My sex life was miserable for 12 years.
It made my whole life miserable. Of course, I am...obsessed. But, the best move I made was to get a divorce. Then I had lots of sex with girls, until I found a girl who is as much obsessed as I am. Sex plays an incredible role in our life and it makes the bond between us stronger everyday.
I totally agree with Skeptical One (both posts). Baseline : if your girl cannot see/understand how frustrated you are over this, she is simply not listening to you, because she is not caring.
Some women are very good at disguising their selfishness into any behaviour they see fit. Ultimately, they are just selfish. Thinking about my ex wife I thought I loved her, and she always told me she loved me. She never cheated on me. But it was not love. She needed someone to manipulate, and she was good at it. She also liked the security I provided. But she took away 12 years of my life because that relationship was almost like jail. Frustrating, without freedom and without a future.
My advice : if you do not love her, run away. If you really do love her, tell her what is in your mind. Either she will understand you and do everything she can to make you feel better, or she won\'t. In that case, run away. Some women do not deserve to be loved by good fellas.
After further thought and the additional responses, I\'m going to have to agree. There seems to be one too many red flags (and those are just the ones you are willing to share with us) to make it worthwhile in the long run... I\'d consider finding someone who doesn\'t \"leave you starving\" as DWD put it.
Footages of her having sex still in her phone. And no sex with you ... In my opinion, the best decision would be to end the relationship NOW. Having said that, this is not what I would do (I know, there is a chasm between thought and action): I would give myself an \"expiry date\", probably after a six month period, definitely not longer. Then leave her if situation is unchanged. I assume you want sincere feedback from all of us, so here it goes as far as my thinking goes: I hope I am wrong (I very well could be!) but this story is unlikely to have a happy ending. You can prepare for it. Just remember the obvious: the ocean is full of fish. You can make it without her.
There is no way that she into you. Save your self months of waiting and wasting your life. If it is your penis size and she is a size queen, then you know what to do...You can not compete with those other guys who, according to you, were losers but got sex any time they wanted? what does that tell you?
She is not into you sexually nor emotionally. The least she can do, if she REALLY loves you, is to let you have sex with her even if she did not like it, a few times a month minimum.
Move on ASAP and find some one else \"after\" you have completely healed emotionally from your present condition.Meanwhile, There are escort service that will relieve your stress till you find your path...
How much longer you willing to hang in there before discovering if things will change? If its another 18mths for example, what if your discovery is she will not change?
One of my best mates got married to a girl also not into sex. To cut a long story short, he was with her for 5 years and they did not have sex once the entire 5-year marriage, not once! He was holding out for change that never came... given a second-chance he\'d have bailed much earlier.
If she won\'t even talk about it, then the path to change is even more clouded.
I don\'t know you, I\'m not a licensed therapist, and I would not advise you to take any advice from anyone, least of all me. That said, if it was me, I would get the hell out of dodge. Love is not that complicated, and women with problems and worse, inconsistencies in the way they talk and behave, are a one way ticket to a busted . I look for girls who like having sex WITH ME. Life is short, sex is like food, and you would never choose to be with someone who constantly left you starving. I have never seen a situation like what you\'re describing get better. I\'m sorry to say it, but I\'ve been in a shit ton of relationships and that\'s what I\'ve seen. As everyone who has read my thread knows, I have been wrong about women, and things can always go wrong, but that just sounds like bad news to me.
We spend all our lives trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, telling ourselves that our gut instincts are wrong and we shouldn\'t rush to judge. You ever wonder why those gut reactions are there? That is our true voice telling us something is wrong.
Sexual compatibility & sexual intimacy are incredibly important for a long term healthy relationship imo. That isn\'t to say you two can\'t eventually become more sexually compatible, and it really has nothing to do with your size (or her size for that matter, let\'s not forget women can also be wider or tighter). Sexual compatibility comes in many forms, which include a partner\'s sex drive versus the other partner\'s sex drive, or for example, how one partner is much more kinky & adventurous than the other. I feel like it\'s vital to assess sexual compatibility along with all other criteria (i.e. character, career & lifestyle outlook, common interests, etc) when selecting a long term companion.
That all being said, I think it\'s important you communicate with her. If you love her, it\'s important that intimacy is a part of your life (twice in 6 months isn\'t healthy by any standard) and it\'s only fair you both get to the bottom of it all.
Thanks guys.. It gives me something to think about...But what about the videos and photos? I dont want to have to bring it up again because it brings of the fact that i snooped through her phone. But for someone not interested in sex i cant see why she keeps this mess in her phone. I\'ve did so much for her and get no sex. These guys were losers and always got it when they wanted.
On the bright side it gives me time to PE. I gained half an Inch or a little over half since she saw my Dick in february im trying to get it up to at least 6 before we have sex again. I do Have a local guy i buy Cialis from. So when the time comes i will be ready
This is a tough one, ultimately it is your decision to stay or go. But people do change, maybe she feels bad about how she lived her life before, maybe she loves you for you( not your Cock). She has shown you signs that she is into you, but speaking from a guy that my first wife started to dish out sex when an only when she wanted it ( weeks in between) it sucks! I would talk to her about your frustrations and if she can\'t see what it is doing to you or willing to help fix it.... Move on... If she is willing to work on it... Problem solved !!! Good luck!!