And see, nohidingstyle brings up a good point regarding herpes. The distinction between \"oral herpes\" (HSV-1) and \"genital herpes\" (HSV-2) is quickly falling apart as more and more people get HSV-1 in their anal/genital region and vice-versa. HSV 2 has historically been a bit more likely to cause more frequent outbreaks, but that\'s a bit ambiguous in the literature. And lots of us contracted HSV-1 as children and don\'t even know it--only a small subset develop cold sores, but if your blood was tested, you\'d likely have HSV-1 antibodies that have simply been serving your body so well that you never realized you were infected.
I can think of a lot of things that would make me think twice about sleeping with someone, but herpes doesn\'t make the list. And yes, an open herpetic sore would be a mildly increased risk for HIV transmission, but only if you doused it in infected body fluids, and the moral of the story anyway is that you shouldn\'t be having sex with an active herpes sore full stop, to make sure you aren\'t spreading it. You can just enjoy sex the other 98% of the year. And yes, viral \"shedding\" that precedes a visible outbreak is a thing, but one can only do so much. Jimmy james\'s experience of having not spread it to two long-time partners is totally consistent with countless other stories i\'ve heard from couples, including one that i used to live with.