TOPIC: PE Jokes

What\'s the difference between white onions, purple onions, and a 10 Inch Dick? Nothing, they all make a woman\'s eyes water.

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. \"Isn\'t there some way to judge the size of a man\'s equipment from the outside?\" she asked earnestly. \"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet,\" counselled the therapist. So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, \"With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you.\"

These should come with a health warning!Tablets My wife told me to go to the doctors and get someof those tablets that \'help\' get an Erection.You should have seen her face when I came back andtossed her some diet pills!I\'mstill looking for a place to live.

I\'m not sure if this belongs here, but do you think the technique of injecting PMMA into the penis was first tested on mice, and increases were .5mm-.75mm?

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, \"What size?\"

He says, \"I don\'t know.\"

She holds up a finger and says, \"That big?\"

He says, \"Bigger.\"

She holds up three fingers and says, \"That big?\"

He says, \"Smaller?\"

She holds up two fingers and he says, \"That\'s it.\"

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, \"Medium.\"

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, \"What is a penis?\" The boy replied, \"I don\'t know.\" At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, \"What is a penis?\" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, \"This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis.\" The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, \"This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!\"

A man is having problems with his penis. He consults a Urologist. Urologist says, \"Sorry, but you\'ve overdone it the last 30 years. Your Dick burned out; you only have 30 erections left in your penis.\"

The man walks home. his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, \"Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn\'t waste that. We should make a list!\"

He replies, \"Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn\'t on it.\"

Bwahaha!

Birds and BeesA mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.' The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

Duct TapeJeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what\'s wrong.

\"Well,\" replies Paul, \"you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an Erection every time I saw her?\"

\"Yes,\" replies Jeff with a laugh.

\"Well,\" says Paul, straightening up, \"I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.\"

\"That\'s great!\" says Jeff, \"When are you going out?\"

\"I went to meet her this evening,\" continues Paul, \"but I was worried I\'d get an Erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn\'t show.\"

\"Sensible\" says Jeff.

\"So I get to her door,\" says Paul, \"and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.\"

\"And what happened then?\"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

\"I kicked her in the face.\"

Foreskin Wallet

There once was a Circumcision doctor who decided at one point in his career
to begin saving and preserving all of the foreskins he accumulated from the
operations he performed. One day, he decided he would take them all to a
leatherworker to see if something could be done with them. The leatherworker assured him that he would be able to come up with something very unique. Reassured, the doctor went on his way with great joy and anticipation about his Foreskin project. About a week later, the leatherworker showed up at the hospital with the results of his labor, and proudly handed the doctor a wallet. Indignant, the doctor registered his objection, \"You mean to tell me that I gave you all of those foreskins and you could only make me a WALLET?\" \"You don\'t understand,\" said the leatherworker, \" When you stroke it, it becomes a suitcase.\"

Thanks guys for keeping this thread alive. Haha.

Holy crap that ebay joke is great! Thanks for sharing!