Thanks for your comments everyone. The reason I say I'm "crushed" is because while I don't want to give up my
Girth goals, my
Foreskin is part of me and I live in a part of the world where literally nobody under 50 is cut, so it stands out. A lot. I understand Americans are used to it being the norm and probably can't see the big deal (and many even prefer it), but I've known two people under 50 who have been
Circumcised and both have been given hell and suffer mentally for it. So to some people it looks like an easy choice - if I want the gains that bad then I should be willing to sacrifice my
Foreskin, but then I see thousands of men on
Foreskin restoration threads who are miserable (and even
) wishing they had never been cut and how their lives are permanently ruined.
TLDR - I'm crushed because to me the thought of not having my
Foreskin and the thought of not gaining
Girth are equally painful, and I don't see myself ever being happy with myself or my life no matter what choice I make between the two.
Additionally, my concern with the retraction isn't that it will persist. I'm fine to live with a penis that turtles if I have to. Many men do. My problem is that the retraction would potentially cause the
PMMA to migrate and cause all kinds of trouble for me. I'm from New Zealand but live in Hobart. It's not practical for me to fly to Mexico every time something went wrong.
Sadly, the issues faced by uncut men by risking
PMMA also exist with
FFT, Elist's implant and allo/
Belladerm scaffolds.
With regard to my partner admitting she preferred a bigger size, she reluctantly confessed the information after I pryed it out of her when seeing how much better she physically and audibly reacted to it compared to with me.
Dick move, I know. Not my proudest moment in our relationship but seeing that reaction when I've lived my whole life waiting for something like that to happen in front of me after living with size anxiety for decades prompted me to press for the confirmation that's what was going on.