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TOPIC: Wife here

Wife here 4 years 6 days ago #1308697681

  • KatJones
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Hi Everyone, i know this forum is for men but I would like to share my story and ask for advice.
Before you ask, the name isn't real, the email address i'm using isn't my real one and i wish nothing but to get information.
I am not a native English speaker, so sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I live abroad 10+ hours flight from my home in the US, where I think, most of you are from.

This is my story:
My husband and i had a very healthy sex life. We shared everything. We've been together for 26 years,(I met him when he was in the army) we have 3 grown kids and we still have sex whenever we can. My Husband Turned 49 this winter. Since our kids grew up, and 2 of them already left home, our sexual activity has only increased. Lately we have experienced swingers parties. it's not our first time being adventurists, but the swinging parties and having sex with other men has taken a toll on our relationship. It took somw time but in the end my husband admitted that watching me with other man had made him insecure, especially about his penis size.
See my husband is 5'8 tall and is average size (I believe) and ever since i knew him it was an issue for him. When we buy toys he always yanks out the biggest one there is. i Keep telling him the size is not that important to me, and i'm having wonderful orgasms with him, but my words are not received well.
for the past 4 months my husband has been obsessed with Penis enlargement, i found pills, ointments and supplements, and he described how he tries to stretch his Dick with so many different Technics, i thought it was looks like abusing your penis...
Finaly figured out that while I was enjoying our new lifestyle, he wasn't. He didn't get too much attention and he felt like the whole thing was a mistake. At this point he's willing to do almost anything, (spend so much money as well) to get his penis bigger. I need advice, i'm reading posts here that make my stomach hurt.
What do you think i should do? I would rather he be happy, but at what cost?

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Wife here 4 years 6 days ago #1308697682

Personally, swinging lifestyles take a very particular personality type and is a somewhat niche hobby. I know there are a good number of men here in swinger relationships that can chime in more specifically.

Sometimes fetishes, fantasies, and alternative lifestyles can seem exciting from afar, but in practice may not always have the desirable effects. Namely the swinger lifestyle, where even an ounce of insecurity can become a "pandora's box" (if English is not your native language, look up that term please).

In your situation I'm afraid penis enlargement surgery isn't the solution.

If this new lifestyle backfired and he's not enjoying it, no amount of penis size will solve it, only bandage the issue temporarily. If he genuinely does not like it, my advice would be to terminate the lifestyle. Swinging is not for everyone. Imagine if you found yourself not enjoying it only to see your husband giving more attention to other women who were more attractive or had more developed assets (i.e. bigger breast, bigger butt, etc). Imagine feeling the way your husband does now, and imagine him feeling the way you do now. Switch roles and put yourself in his shoes.

There is no shame from having attempted a new hobby or alternative (sexual) lifestyle, and no shame in withdrawing from it after having experimented. If penis enlargement is something he becomes adamant about, then let him consider his options OUTSIDE the swinger lifestyle, within the privacy and intimacy of your bedroom.

Good luck.
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Last edit: by Skeptical_One.

Wife here 4 years 6 days ago #1308697683

Great advice from SO above... he's totally right. The issue here is more of a self confidence thing and the lifestyle has caused that to amplify. He could wake up with an absolute monster tomorrow and there would still be the same issues.

You guys really need to talk it out and hopefully he'll be honest about his feelings and not just tell you what he thinks you'd like to hear. Down the road if he ends up still wanting something done, there are some options but nothing is perfect and this situation and frame of mind is not the time to start altering body parts.

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Wife here 3 years 11 months ago #1308697751

I will only comment on based what you have written here.

Your husband wants you to be happy at almost any cost and obviously it is costing him. (Jealousy, penis inadequacy etc.)

If you really love him, stop going to these swinger parties. Lie to him if you have to, but don't ever say it is because you want to see him happy/not being jealous from seeing you enjoying yourself. If you do he will feel like it is his fault you are giving it up. You should make it seem like you want to stop because you got tired of it or you saw some of the other couples getting out of hand etc.

Cut down on your large sex toys, throw them out keep the more modestly sized ones. If he asks, say something like that while sometimes the large ones are nice they make your lady parts hurt the day after and the modestly sized ones are best for all round/anytime enjoyment.

Finally, find something else to do together that does not emphasize on sexual performance or body ideals.

Your marriage happiness is way more than the enjoyment of sex.

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Wife here 3 years 11 months ago #1308697905

I agree with the advice here. Penis anxiety is not really related to the size of the penis. Sexual counselling does work. Discussing it and getting there can be difficult. It is much more likely to create genuine happiness. But is he does want to do something then support him and make sure he does not do something too risky. Ask here first. Thats what PhalloBoards is for.
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