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TOPIC: How many of yous can relate to this (depression)

How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306668393

Having a small penis or just below average has controlled my life negatively since I was bout 15 it has prevented me from ever being confident enough to approach women or have sex with them

One time I was cutting highschool around 15 with a friend and 2 incredibly hot girls and yes one of them wanted to have sex with me but I was to ashamed of my manhood so I acted like I was not feeling well

Fast forward to me at 18 - still no sex or me even talking to a girl , one summer day one of my cousins incredibly hot friends said she was feeling me and wanted to have sex but once again embarrassed by my manhood i made up a believable excuse and nothing happened

Fast forward to age 20 - I finally have sex with a fat older girl who was a friend to a mutual friend

Fast forward to age 25 - I haven\'t had sex since that time or even approach a girl so one day I\'m on the internet looking at porn and I stumbled apon a vid with the thumbnail of a beautiful bbw black women lifting a guy in the air and this was the start of the end for me. It turns it was a tranny (ts Madison) and she had a huge penis. Up until that time I never had a single gay thought in my head but I have always liked more aggressive natured women for my porn preference but not no bondage or bsdm type stuff, so anyways after seeing that video I became obsessed with a really serious addition to hung tranny porn of them topping guys ugh

Fast forward age 28 - after 3 years of just watching I finally decided I wanna experience it in real life so I do a google search of trans women near me and a site called backpage pops up so I start looking through ads and found one I liked and contacted through Text messages on a text app I installed. We agree on a time and price and we meet at a hotel, I am a nervous wreck cause not only do I not know if its person in pictures or not but I\'m also on the DL and never even seen a escort before let alone a tranny one. So my cab drops me off I get the room number and get to the room and sure enough the trans looked nothing like the pictures ugh but I already was there and told myself if I don\'t do this the addition will never end and you will never to go back normal again (was I wrong) so I go forward with it. We hug I tell them I never did this before I\'m nervous, they tell me relax so I did and we start talking and I tell them my story about how I never had confidennce in myself and im always depressed, lonely and sad cause of my small penis etc so after that she starts giving oral and it didn\'t feel good nor bad. after a few minutes the moment of truth comes, I see and give oral to my first trans penis ever (wouldn\'t be last ugh)
So it was definitely not as big as the ad said it was actually avg size so I was disappointed, she ask if I wanted her to top me and I said yes, so after a while of trying to get it in I decide nm cause tbh I was not really comfortable and was hating myself for even putting myself in this situation so I end up leaving

After I left I told myself never ever am I doing this again (yea right)

Fast forward months later - so still obsessed with my small penis I find goodlookiingloser and bathmate but you already know that story

After failed attempts to make my penis bigger I resort back to old habits and find myself once again looking for a beautiful big penis trans to top me and be aggressive with me like I see in the vids I watch. So here goes my first official time. This time the trans was absolutely like the pictures and beautiful with a serious body but of course they lied about their size and was only avg (this Will lead to bad things) so she tops me and it did not feel good at all and I told myself OK now you did it you don\'t like it its over right? (Wrong)

Fast forward to months later - I thought for sure after that last experience I was done with this wrong lifestyle I let myself get sucked into, all cause I had a small penis but the addiction grew worst and I told myself cause the trans penis wasn\'t big is reason i didnt like it and it wasn\'t the real test. so I find another trans but it was the same story as the last one. She was beautiful with a perfect body but not hung or even a aggressive top

My search for a aggressive hung beautiful top led to a lot of wasted money probably in the 10k range and a lot of catfish scary situations
.
So after about 10 different experiences my expectations /standards for their actual look got lower and lower cause now all I wanted was a aggressive hung trans top and I finally find one

Fast forward age 29 - after a year of disappointment a fem CD with a lot of makeup and decent ass finally has what I was looking for. a big penis and a very aggressive top, I still hatted the feeling of being topped it did not feel good at all and still doesn\'t and never will but regardless there is just something about a trans or fem cd with a bigger penis then me that is very attractive and erotic especially when they are verbal

Fast forward to me now - I\'ve found myself spending and giving money to trans not for sex but cause I thought we could have a actual relationship and it turns out its always about the money so I end up getting played. I was recently played for over 2k from a trans I knew on and off for a few years and its left me very suicidal and depressed but it also led me to reflect back to why I began down that dark homosexual road to begin with (which I will always regret) and the answer is me not being confident enough in my penis size to approach women sexually which is 100% facts

So in conclusion - my new goal in life is to fight my addiction by making my penis bigger once and for all and reading up on PMMA here has me confident I can do this. Cause I hate the person I become in the last 6.5 years later cause regret, depression, sadness, lonelyness and being broke with suicidal thoughts is all it led to. Not to mention I am still sort of DL to this date, meaning my family don\'t know but I\'ve been in public with trans before

Any questions please feel free to ask me , thanks for reading I can\'t believe I actually had the courage to finally share my deepest darkest secrets I been living with, wow

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306669911

The root of your depression lies entirely in your mind, not in reality. In reality you\'re actually above-average, and there\'s no reason for you to feel the way you do. When I started out in PE, back when I was in my early twenties, I was smaller than you, yet I was getting the job done. This post says it all:

phalloboards.websitetoolbox.com/post/che...6649132&random=34785

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306670800

You need professional help (don't we all though)....I do understand your obsessive thoughts...I feel that sometimes they exist to take our minds off of more real and important issues in our lives.
And regarding not being able to increase your penis size....It just takes time, research, proper technique, and tenacity.

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306676650

The root of your depression lies entirely in your mind, not in reality. In reality you\'re actually above-average, and there\'s no reason for you to feel the way you do. When I started out in PE, back when I was in my early twenties, I was smaller than you, yet I was getting the job done. This post says it all:

phalloboards.websitetoolbox.com/post/che...&random=34785[/QUOTE Everything that makes us feel a certain way good or bad is in our mind and our mind creates our own unique reality so im gonna have to disagree with you. Now if your just talking Average statistics you can say I\'m average size, but to me I am very small and ashamed to ever show myself to a woman at the current time and how I feel bout myself is all that matters

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306676683

You need professional help (don't we all though)....I do understand your obsessive thoughts...I feel that sometimes they exist to take our minds off of more real and important issues in our lives.
And regarding not being able to increase your penis size....It just takes time, research, proper technique, and tenacity.

unless they can hypnotise or brainwash me then professional help is not gonna ever work for me cause you can tell me this and that compliment me say I\'m better then I think I am etc.. But I\'m not gonna believe it cause I know my own truths and what I need to improve on. I am a very free thinker and I\'m still trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing lol , ty for your replies though cause it definitely feels good to talk to someone bout this

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306726934

You\'ve been given positive feedback, including actual examples of someone of similar, or even smaller size than you smashing it effectively, and have chosen to reject it. If you want to dwell in the negative, while ignoring reality, then so be it. Good luck with your supposed problem.

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1306727636

Hey man. Knock the porn usage out if you haven\'t already. I think if you do, you will find your entire self-perception will change for the better.

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How many of yous can relate to this (depression) 5 years 9 months ago #1307132817

You\'ve been given positive feedback, including actual examples of someone of similar, or even smaller size than you smashing it effectively, and have chosen to reject it. If you want to dwell in the negative, while ignoring reality, then so be it. Good luck with your supposed problem.

Your feedback just tells me its all in my head which I already know so its just a easy answer and not feedback

Feedback I was hoping and looking for is ways to improve my size and it looks like you were able to gain half a Inch in EL and EG (congrats) so could you tell me what you used to achieve that please, thanks.

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