Having a small penis or just below average has controlled my life negatively since I was bout 15 it has prevented me from ever being confident enough to approach women or have sex with them
One time I was cutting highschool around 15 with a friend and 2 incredibly hot girls and yes one of them wanted to have sex with me but I was to ashamed of my manhood so I acted like I was not feeling well
Fast forward to me at 18 - still no sex or me even talking to a girl , one summer day one of my cousins incredibly hot friends said she was feeling me and wanted to have sex but once again embarrassed by my manhood i made up a believable excuse and nothing happened
Fast forward to age 20 - I finally have sex with a fat older girl who was a friend to a mutual friend
Fast forward to age 25 - I haven\'t had sex since that time or even approach a girl so one day I\'m on the internet looking at porn and I stumbled apon a vid with the thumbnail of a beautiful bbw black women lifting a guy in the air and this was the start of the end for me. It turns it was a tranny (ts Madison) and she had a huge penis. Up until that time I never had a single gay thought in my head but I have always liked more aggressive natured women for my porn preference but not no bondage or bsdm type stuff, so anyways after seeing that video I became obsessed with a really serious addition to hung tranny porn of them topping guys ugh
Fast forward age 28 - after 3 years of just watching I finally decided I wanna experience it in real life so I do a google search of trans women near me and a site called backpage pops up so I start looking through ads and found one I liked and contacted through Text messages on a text app I installed. We agree on a time and price and we meet at a hotel, I am a nervous wreck cause not only do I not know if its person in pictures or not but I\'m also on the DL and never even seen a escort before let alone a tranny one. So my cab drops me off I get the room number and get to the room and sure enough the trans looked nothing like the pictures ugh but I already was there and told myself if I don\'t do this the addition will never end and you will never to go back normal again (was I wrong) so I go forward with it. We hug I tell them I never did this before I\'m nervous, they tell me relax so I did and we start talking and I tell them my story about how I never had confidennce in myself and im always depressed, lonely and sad cause of my small penis etc so after that she starts giving oral and it didn\'t feel good nor bad. after a few minutes the moment of truth comes, I see and give oral to my first trans penis ever (wouldn\'t be last ugh)
So it was definitely not as big as the ad said it was actually avg size so I was disappointed, she ask if I wanted her to top me and I said yes, so after a while of trying to get it in I decide nm cause tbh I was not really comfortable and was hating myself for even putting myself in this situation so I end up leaving
After I left I told myself never ever am I doing this again (yea right)
Fast forward months later - so still obsessed with my small penis I find goodlookiingloser and bathmate but you already know that story
After failed attempts to make my penis bigger I resort back to old habits and find myself once again looking for a beautiful big penis trans to top me and be aggressive with me like I see in the vids I watch. So here goes my first official time. This time the trans was absolutely like the pictures and beautiful with a serious body but of course they lied about their size and was only avg (this Will lead to bad things) so she tops me and it did not feel good at all and I told myself OK now you did it you don\'t like it its over right? (Wrong)
Fast forward to months later - I thought for sure after that last experience I was done with this wrong lifestyle I let myself get sucked into, all cause I had a small penis but the addiction grew worst and I told myself cause the trans penis wasn\'t big is reason i didnt like it and it wasn\'t the real test. so I find another trans but it was the same story as the last one. She was beautiful with a perfect body but not hung or even a aggressive top
My search for a aggressive hung beautiful top led to a lot of wasted money probably in the 10k range and a lot of catfish scary situations
.
So after about 10 different experiences my expectations /standards for their actual look got lower and lower cause now all I wanted was a aggressive hung trans top and I finally find one
Fast forward age 29 - after a year of disappointment a fem CD with a lot of makeup and decent ass finally has what I was looking for. a big penis and a very aggressive top, I still hatted the feeling of being topped it did not feel good at all and still doesn\'t and never will but regardless there is just something about a trans or fem cd with a bigger penis then me that is very attractive and erotic especially when they are verbal
Fast forward to me now - I\'ve found myself spending and giving money to trans not for sex but cause I thought we could have a actual relationship and it turns out its always about the money so I end up getting played. I was recently played for over 2k from a trans I knew on and off for a few years and its left me very
and depressed but it also led me to reflect back to why I began down that dark homosexual road to begin with (which I will always regret) and the answer is me not being confident enough in my penis size to approach women sexually which is 100% facts
So in conclusion - my new goal in life is to fight my addiction by making my penis bigger once and for all and reading up on
PMMA here has me confident I can do this. Cause I hate the person I become in the last 6.5 years later cause regret, depression, sadness, lonelyness and being broke with
thoughts is all it led to. Not to mention I am still sort of DL to this date, meaning my family don\'t know but I\'ve been in public with trans before
Any questions please feel free to ask me , thanks for reading I can\'t believe I actually had the courage to finally share my deepest darkest secrets I been living with, wow
