TOPIC: Talk to me about being dominant in bed

Wife is pretty sexually conservative. And I\'m for the most part a gentleman about it.

The problem I have is that it\'s taken years and MANY conversations to get her to do certain things. I\'ve taken it pretty easy, but now I\'m getting to the point where I really want to mix it up, and she just has so many \"restrictions\" that she won\'t do, or kind of complains or acts like she doesn\'t want to do (but does grudgingly)

I\'ve come to the conclusion that she wants to be dominated.. (not in freaky way) but I guess I need to really start taking more control, and I think she (hopefully) will respond.

Have you guys made that transition from being just a nice guy in bed, to really taking the lead. Looking for any an all advice.Thanks guys.

dstern22 wrote: Wife is pretty sexually conservative. And I\'m for the most part a gentleman about it.

The problem I have is that it\'s taken years and MANY conversations to get her to do certain things. I\'ve taken it pretty easy, but now I\'m getting to the point where I really want to mix it up, and she just has so many \"restrictions\" that she won\'t do, or kind of complains or acts like she doesn\'t want to do (but does grudgingly)

I\'ve come to the conclusion that she wants to be dominated.. (not in freaky way) but I guess I need to really start taking more control, and I think she (hopefully) will respond.

Have you guys made that transition from being just a nice guy in bed, to really taking the lead. Looking for any an all advice.Thanks guys.

In my experience, there are two surefire ways to turn a conservative woman into a slut in the bedroom. Treat her like a slut or make her horny as hell. Do the former by throwing her onto the bed,
pulling her hair, smacking her ass, etc. Do the latter by teasing her with little sexual teases here and there throughout the day. Nothing serious or crazy, just very light sensuality, to get her excited for a good romping later on.

dstern22 I\'m in the same boat as you with wanting to try more things and having a conservative wife. I made the mistake of pushing too hard too fast a few years ago and it totally backfired on me. She said I made her feel like a sex object and really turned her off from sex. So I would be careful trying Chester\'s first suggestion unless you talk to her about it first. I think the ass slapping and hair pulling would work better in a new relationship. Unless you ease into it slowly she\'s going to suspect somethings up and you may end up in my situation. I\'m just finally recovering from my mistakes 2 years later.

I can vouch for his second suggestion making her horny. This has definitely worked for me. The key for me was do this stuff randomly and not just on days when I want sex.

The problem is that being more horny has not translated into me dominating her in the bedroom. I\'m not sure how to get there and I don\'t want to screw things up again. I would love to hear suggestions from guys in long term marriages who have managed to pull this off.

Imperial wrote: dstern22 I\'m in the same boat as you with wanting to try more things and having a conservative wife. I made the mistake of pushing too hard too fast a few years ago and it totally backfired on me. She said I made her feel like a sex object and really turned her off from sex. So I would be careful trying Chester\'s first suggestion unless you talk to her about it first. I think the ass slapping and hair pulling would work better in a new relationship. Unless you ease into it slowly she\'s going to suspect somethings up and you may end up in my situation. I\'m just finally recovering from my mistakes 2 years later. I can vouch for his second suggestion making her horny. This has definitely worked for me. The key for me was do this stuff randomly and not just on days when I want sex. The problem is that being more horny has not translated into me dominating her in the bedroom. I\'m not sure how to get there and I don\'t want to screw things up again. I would love to hear suggestions from guys in long term marriages who have managed to pull this off.

Thanks for the reply. Can you tell me what you tried that caused a problem?

It\'s been kind of interesting, I tried upping the ante last night and she responded pretty well. Basically just taking control, dictating positions and lightly telling her what to do.

I think I just need to take it slowly. But I\'ve come to realize that being polite and asking permission, and worried about hurting her feelings etc in bed hasn\'t gotten me anywhere. I think deep down she *wants* me to take charge. So I\'\'ll just take it slowly.

But I\'m with you, I would love to hear from guys that have been married a while (15+ years) and made this transition.

I tried to be more forceful and take control. She told me she didn\'t like it which made me mad because I was frustrated with our boring sex life. This started a fight with both of us digging in. So...

Mistake 1 was being frustrated with me not getting what I wanted instead of thinking about how she felt.

Mistake 2 moving too fast. She thought I was cheating on her and that\'s why my tastes changed over night.

Mistake 3 not listening to her. Again focused on myself.

Mistake 4 getting angry. Exact opposite of how I should have reacted.

Mistake 5 making it an argument. I was a Dick about it which made her more defensive and it became an ongoing fight.

So yeah I know what not to do lol!

things have gotten better recently mainly due to us talking more openly and me changing my outlook on sex and then slowly building trust. I would still prefer a more kinky sex life but I\'m taking things super slow right now because I don\'t want to jeopardize the progress we\'ve made.