First, Thanks HunkyDory...I almost deleted that post because I thought it as a little to personal, but I am glad I didn\'t and you replied! Going forward, though, I just don\'t know if I will never feel comfortable with the way things are. So, I am getting from your post that you never did regain any comfort with the situation? How old are you now if you don\'t mind me asking? I\'m already in my late 30s so things are certainly slowing down, but the 20-somethings all want a hairy \"daddy\" top - so now that freak show is starting (I AM NOT A DADDY! Hairy, yeah. It\'s fetishized a little - or hated, depending on the homo). Plus - I\'m not into that - they treat you like a dildo...not exactly enjoyable.
In terms of \"relating\" to other gay men...
HA HA... hahaha
HA. I have a handful of gay friends, but I\'ve found the scene to be incredibly cunty and full of cliques of mostly idiots. I came from a background where I was taught proper social skills and manners in a wealthy suburb & have an extensive education. So, I can\'t relate to dumb superficial trashy queens (I guess I am being a cunt here - but that\'s the truth). Actually it\'s not even an income thing. When I lived in Dublin, I had a ton of gay friends who had no substantial finances - BUT they actually had social skills and a sense of humor - and were so friendly and fun to be around. In America, the gays are atrocious and vapid. Btw, a big % of that sex number is Irish guys...they are the best...ah... I digress... I got rejected from 3 Dublin jobs and am still bitter.
Anyway, I am glad you get what I mean. It\'s just not easy with these homos who will turn you down if you have a freckle on your
Dick in the wrong place (and now I have 2 scars, missing skin, uneven skin, and many palpable lumps...plus the scar tissue from an excision on my left side is starting to rise). I mean, how the hell can I feel comfortable in a sexual situation? If the lights are dark enough, that helps - but I like to see what\'s going on. How much do you think is in my head vs. reality - I put some recent pics below. Maybe the last 9 months of hell made me overstate how bad it is now... not sure. Some guys seem to think there is absolutely nothing weird about it. It\'s bizarre.
Interestingly, I also write down (on a scale of 1-10) how good the sex was... and during my period of 63 guys, the score was 6.5...which was the same as in the last 3 months...so that\'s interesting I think. But, I have no idea ahead of time how bad some guys are in bed.
Btw, I have no idea how you had sex with 3000 guys. Jesus. But anyway, for the straight guys reading this - there is no comparison. Women lock up the pussy tight. Men just will do it with anything 1/2 of the time. A blow job is the gay handshake (I had FAR less anal than oral). You know, obviously, there\'s a lot less resistance to anon random sex with 2 men than there would ever be with women. So, don\'t feel \"bad\" about your numbers. They are based on an entirely different situation. I get rejected all the time, or I\'d be at 3000 - I am guessing Hunkydory is hot or had a good body or something. And, did you have a huge penis after the FG? I forgot now exactly what happened...but that\'s like the golden ticket.
I think the average penis is 6 x 5 - give or take 1/4
Inch in length and 1/8th
Inch in
Girth (I have this all in my spreadsheet too from visual estimations... I got 6.1 x 5.1 for over 200 based on comparing to my own - and my own changed size about 10 times, so it was fairly accurate, I think - yes I am a crazy statistics nerd / Phd).
The silicone scar sheets are called \"Scar Away\" you can find them at CVS or Amazon. I think Mederma is based on some kind of onion extract...unless they have silicone products now too? I used Celacyn gel (Rx) for a while, but then one of my scars started to raise up - and that was very odd since all the research on Celacyn said it would NOT do that... so I lost faith in that product overnight.
This right pic is the situation now (as of a few days ago). The
Radiesse is still settling, and it left a tiny lump and injection site
Nodule...but it\'s still early. The giant lump can only be camouflaged so much, I think - because the skin on the other side has been excised and it sort of exaggerates the lump. It looked perfect on the injection day but now 2+ weeks have gone by:
I\'m on the fence about whether it looks \"ok\" and I \"saved it\" with all these surgeries after the R3 disaster...or if it looks even more fucked up than if I did nothing at all for the last 9 months (though the rock hard nodules are not something you can feel on the computer). The 9 month old nodules that I never touched are still there. Maybe this mid-line scar will fade...it\'s around 3 mos out now. I think that was the biggest fuckup - having the small biopsy taken out of that area, which never healed and forced a second
Removal of more skin...also exaggerating the lump on the other side.