TOPIC: You got what you wished for, now what?

Years and years of insecurities, fear, inadequacy. Suspecting you weren\'t enough. Knowing you weren\'t enough to please. And then one day, like magic, it\'s all taken away. It\'s all different now. You are the man you always wanted to be, the man you felt you were inside but your body stopped you from being. Women literally said things like this to you, unprompted: \"if things don\'t work out and you decide you don\'t want to be with me, I hope you\'ll still be willing to umm... Service me. You touch me in spots no one has ever touched.\"

The most fantastic things you could ever want to hear, if you\'re a 19 year old boy. Unfortunately, you\'re not. You\'re a grown ass man, and you know what you want, but you can\'t find it. Worst of all, you suspect you had it but lost it.

I miss my ex still, and I mean it just won\'t go away. I don\'t know what to do. I fuck a different girl every week, have girlfriends galore, I go out to clubs and mac on any girl I want, and none of it means a thing. I get nothing out of it. It doesn\'t work. 5 months later, and she\'s all I want. No one I know will listen to this anymore. If anyone can relate to this at all, please say something. Does this ever go away?

No other girl is hot enough, no other girl makes any impression at all. I make them come their brains out, and I just could not give less of a fuck. I got what I wished for, but it\'s turning out to not be what I really wanted. I want her back, and I\'ll never ever see her again. Fuck.

I know this isn\'t really PE related, except that PE and my insecurity cost me what I want more than anything. Now I have all the confidence in the world, I have everything I needed to make her love me, but I don\'t have her. Fuck.

It took me a number of years to get over a long-term relationship, perhaps five. Not that I was single in the meantime but my mind often wandered off in the past. At some point I was fine: a new partner and a new job pushed me away from a bad equilibrium point.

In my case I finally figured out that it was not the person that I deeply missed (although I did miss her) but the past itself; and in memories she had turned to be perfect; I could only recall the beautiful moments: games of the mind. Luckily I eventually set myself free from these tricks.

Are you sure your mind is not playing any games?

There is only one answer to your question - time. A break up with someone you love is devastating and is akin to the grief of the death of a love one. The difference is that with death, it really has ended. With a relationship. we sometimes fantasize about getting back together.

Going out with other woman, and really dedicating time and effort to know them, to learn about them, their likes and dislikes, and accentuating their qualities will bring you away from the past. As soon as you make an effort to see qualities in other woman, two things will happen. You will begin to realize that your ex perhaps didn\'t attain certain traits you view in this new girl, and you will start to love again.

But in the end, it will boil down a lot to time - anything extra you throw in the mix will give you the ability to shorten that time frame.

that\'s sage advice from grower.

Greetings DWDThanks for your welcome message. You are not alone when it comes to these feelings and thoughts. I myself fell madly in love with a truly beautiful and sensual French Polynesian girl when I was in my early 20\'s. Just being together meant all the world. But she lived a long way away from me (we met when she was on holiday) and in the end we drifted apart. I was totally gutted when she finally told me that she\'d gone back to her old boyfriend. I cried, wept, developed chronic loneliness, couldn\'t concentrate on my studies, started to feel a lot of anxiety and was basically a wreck. It took considerable time to get myself together again.I\'ve nearly been killed twice and my breathing stopped; I\'ve been involved in serious accidents at one point lying on the road with my leg completely broken in half, and yet despite this suffering, NONE of it has come close to the pain you can feel in your . And only time heals that.Do you not think there are men out there in the world that have hot bods, big dicks that woman adore, get plenty of sex, and yet inside they are lonely and missing? I think PE can help people in life to boost confidence and so on, but it's only a small part of a bigger picture. You can go out clubbing and clubbing and fucking till you're exhausted, but unless you care for the person and have some intimacy, none of it will leave you with any lasting happiness or joy; it is very ephemeral.But the lotus flower grows out of the mud, so there is good in mud. Enjoy sex and meet lots of people, but you know already that what you really need is a deep connection with someone where you can develop intimacy, friendship and an awareness and understanding of each other.\"Now I have all the confidence in the world, I have everything I needed to make her love me, but I don\'t have her. Fuck.\" You already know you cannot make anyone love you no matter what you \"have\". Love finds you, not the other way around. Even b4 your PE you already have what you need for a women to love you. But do something other than going out into a scene or environment where you are likely to only find sex. Do something that takes your mind off your ex and puts you in an environment where you can meet other girls. You never know what\'s coming in your life. I know a man who once turned left instead of right (as he always did) to go home one day and he met a woman stopping at a shop. The connection was so strong and apparent they got married the next week, have been married for 30 years and are inseparable.My advice would be to breathe deeply and focus your mind. If your ex is meant to be with you then it will still happen, but in the meantime you need to get yourself together and get on with your life. In my case I needed to focus less on what I didn\'t have or thought I had lost and focus more on myself, who I am, what I want to do and what I can become.

DWD - thanks for sharing, you will get through this. I want to give you some advice and it is only that and do with what you will. The club thing is obviously not giving you what you are looking for. Try meeting a girl in a place that increases your chances of finding what your looking for! If your looking for a partner, a club may not be the best place. Goto places or activities you enjoy that do not include drinking, one night stands etc but things that are a healthy activity that you may meet someone there that shares that and a true bond , friendship , love might be developed in a healthy environment! You maybe surprised to find what you are looking for!! Good luck!