Yesterday I was having drinks with colleagues from work, 3 self-styled cougars. As typically happens after about an hour or 4 mojitos, the talk turns to sex. The prettiest of the 3 turn to me and asks 'what is up with young guys today'? Now I know that I am older than these 3 ladies so I am flattered that they would include me in that group so I quickly say 'our stuff, we are always up!'. 'Not that' she giggled. 'Young guys are a real mess. A lot of them are all screwed up over the size of their dicks. It's sickening, they are worse than anorexics'. Well, so she is not including me in the 'young guys' camp, ouch. She went on to describe issues and drama leading up to finally having sex and the drama and insecurities after sex. One lady asked her, 'well was it really small?' 'No, it looked like a good Dick to me. It was bigger than my ex-husband and you know if that man walked into this room I would fuck him right on this table before I shot him'. One said 'as long as it's hard, it's good'. That sent them off on a stream of inside jokes which was fine with me I was still steaming at the 'worse than anorexics' statement. I snapped out of it when I heard, 'The worst part was that after he was finished'' I noted the emphasis on he, she continued 'he then spent the next hour asking me if I liked it, I didn't make much noise, he couldn't tell if I enjoyed it, was I disappointed?' she said 'I was thinking it was the first time you loser, have some confidence and grow a pair'. The quiet one said 'oh, he must have expected the porn starlet response'. All 3 then launched into 'oh baby it's so big and hard, oh, oh, oh', 'oh my god I feel like a virgin again, oh,oh,oh', 'yes, yes, yes, ' oh, oh, oh'. They were cracking up. The waitress came over and told them she wanted to have whatever they were drinking. After they stopped laughing and carrying on I asked if they really thought it was like anorexia, she replied that she had a niece who at 16 was 5'7' and 95 lbs. Everyone in the family tried to talk to her and show her in the mirror that she was dangerously skinny, but in her mind she was she was fat. It did not matter what you said to her, in her mind she was still fat. Finally she said 'The family had to send her off to a white room vacation'. She then looked at me and said, 'some of these guys are even more stubborn than a 16 YO girl'. Do we need to recommend a 'white room vacation' to some of the members of this forum?
A fascinating discussion and topic Gentlemen. I believe this to be one of those situations where SOME men are dysmorphic...in fact they certainly are quite \'normal\' whatever that actually is but see themselves as \'less than\'.
Others certainly ARE smaller than the average but, in the end its how YOU perceive yourself. I grew up with a Father hung like a horse and I found porn at an early age which gave me unfortunately unreal comparisons to measure myself by. Now once I got older logic SHOULD have created a different impression...however in my first sexual experiences I didnt get that \'OH MY GOD your\'e huge\' reaction I was taught to expect via porn so I felt \'less than\'...as with most of us I learned to \'compensate\' by becoming \'amazing\' at oral sex and great with what I have - not my words but feedback from partners, even one night stands who came back for more.
BUT. I wasnt getting the reaction I wanted. Thus my on and off relationship with PE. Like a lot of others I seriously would have traded the final 10 years of my life for a bigger Dick earlier on. Now I have found this forum, unfortunately after I turned 50, I realize there may be hope for it yet. We shall see how it goes...
I was reading throughout this post and find it very interesting. I want to address several things here. First, the whole idea of penis size could have started as a bogus delusion of males who lack confidence and transferred this to a body part -their penises and the size.
So, over time the subject sustains a belief which got confirmed based on the subjects experiences. For instance, the subject finds a female partner with her own insecurities who belittles the subjects manhood.. which experiences are nothing else but projections of the subject\'s male psych on the physical world.
Sort of, you found this since you are looking for it. Self fulfilling prophecy.
With other words, I have no confidence in myself due to being mistreated by my parents in my childhood, and this lack of confidence grew in a search to find the reason not reflecting upon my psychological underdevelopment but rather singling out the reason to be in my body, hence, creating the false body image- my penis is small. This opens the door to - I CANT SATISFY WOMEN, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH, OTHER MEN ARE BETTER THAN ME, ETC.
Therefore , I am still the \"undeserving boy\" who was maltreated when little, I don\'t deserve anything good to happen to me, and as such I did not acquire my manhood. Manhood could be epitomized with size of penis- Boys have small penises , real men have larger ones. Maybe the same complex association could be identified in the females behavior who are constantly trying to enhance their boob\'s size with silicon implants.
This whole psychological issue is addressed in our Western culture which is constantly encouraging us to look for bigger, better, and more in general.
Judging based on our development as a species , we could find traces in our life-style proving that such inclination to look for constant enhancing leads only to wanting more and wasting resources , not always considering the long term effects of our limited in scope behavior. Aka, instant gratification is all we want and who cares of the consequences.
So, my point is I have not achieved my manhood, my penis is small and I would never be able to satisfy women, and women to me have become monsters who are dissatisfied with me therefore I run in this vicious circle.
Another point I want to make here is that when we are with a lady in bed, there is nobody else around but her and I. When we are in the moment, and aroused, the penis size does not really matter that much as long as it is hard , remains hard and maintains penetration- intercourse is sustained.
Man and woman during sex create a union which is sacred experience. But do men constantly compare themselves with each other? Do I start wondering in my imagination whether my partner has had a bigger penis before, and this leaves some room for unhealthy thoughts to embark and destroy the experience ?
I spoke with one of my exes several nights ago, and she is still very keen on having sex with me. I asked her what does really matter to a woman when in bed with a man, and she answered that everything does. It is not only the size of the penis but also , man\'s intelligence , his ways of moving, foreplay, and emotional connection. So, she said women are looking for the full package and not only the size of the penis. I am not the biggest size and consider myself only average. But she would prefer to have sex with me rather than someone bigger because we are a match on many different levels other than only the physical one.
On the contrary, I don\'t know if anyone here has had the experience of having sex with a partner whose vagina FEELS wider- loose. I have had. It was not bad experience but it was different which leads me to the thought, we are the masters of defying our experiences and categorizing them as \"good\" and \"bad\". It was not necessarily bad sex but it was different experience and something that I was not used to. The choice is still mine! How do I choose this to make me feel about myself? Would I allow this to hurt my self image? How willing am I to recognize the incompatibility with this particular individual at a physical level, and let my inflated male ego suffer a bit....but then move on and find something more compatible
Would that be a defining point in my life , so I would engage in PE techniques simply because I imagine she has had sex with a better, larger size than mine, and now comparing with this image , I would plunge into personal quest to get bigger myself?
Life is in flux and it requires us to make constant adjustments. We change in accordance with our environment, interests, work, and partners. ALL those generate experiences which either make us , or break us but still the last and final choice is OURS.
I hope I did not rant too much....
Many psychiatrists say that Anorexia diverges from Penis Dismorphophobia because anorexic girls aim to an immaginary subnormal model of beauty and life (some saints were anorexic) while Penile dismorphobia is an obsession with a specific part of the body you don\'t accept sometimes because of competition with other men that is something more raw and much less \"spiritual\".
Originally Posted by eqstudentSo the 5\'7\" 95lb girl who looks in the mirror and sees a fat cow is just like a guy 6.25\" x 4.75\" who thinks he has a small penis?
That\'s a fairly good comparison. Sure we\'re anorexic - penis anorexic. Even if some of us do tend to be undersized just like there are a number of overweight anorexics? If there was a simple way, taking booster shots or some magic spell, I\'d only give up once I had reached 9\" EL by 7\" Girth. Just like an anorexic girl who knows she can\'t turn into a skeleton, I will settle for diminutive length and as decent a Girth as can be had, special care of the good Dr C.
It is also quite the same as society sees women in their entire package as sex objects men have a focal point, their penis itself is the sex object. Most would be willing to go bald if it gave them a sea monster in their boxers whereas women must be picture perfect from head to toes. So in a sense they are lucky because they can act on all sorts of details to fix themselves up and adjust their image, but we can buy fancy clothes and drive a sports car, but nothing can make up for what we\'ve got down there unless we figure out how, here and now...
Evil Pnievel wrote: You were dealing with jaded feministas that have been around the block (many times), and most likely missed the family boat. Under the influence, their true colors are observed. Obviously, this pride of cats has shown a lack of class and disrespect for men....
Sorry EP, you are not even close. 2 of the women have been work colleagues for over 5 years and were instrumental in helping me during my divorce. In fact they cooked up the monthly after work sessions at that time to get me out. One is recently divorced, and the other recently widowed (military service). The both have kids. The 'quiet one' is a vendor and friend of theirs; even more reserved and also divorced with a child. As far as 'been around the block', I can tell you that all 3 added together have likely not had 1/10 the number of partners as I and likely you have had. Her description of her 'young date' is not very different than those I have seen posted on this and other PE boards by male members. I don't think they disrespect men, just the opposite; they are Texas gals and were just saying that the focus on penis size is just silly, man up and grow a pair!
@EQ As soon as I posted that I relized that they were the same. I feel that being told there is a problem, rather than feeling that way on your own creates a more damaging dynamic to the pcychey of the protagainist. Load that up with underlining issiues before you were told......that creates intrusive thinking I wouldent wish on my worst enemy.
Great accounts of your own reasons for exploring this and something everyone who is above average (including me) should consider.
I fall in to the vanity group and just wanted a unit to match the rest of the package. I therefore feel my reasons are less valid than some on this board. I think the less you need it the harder you should think about doing it in the first place.
My false body image was acquired by frequent beatings in childhood accompanied by \"belittling\" insults about my penis size and shape. It took years to overcome but the love of quite a few good women proved otherwise. Nonetheless an insecurity persists and gets exacerbated by circumstance from time to time. Fortunately no women had the cruelty to remark about this, although a few did make it clear that their new boyfriend they had dumped me for has \"something\" special far better than me and I each time sensed that this was physical yet they were neither smart nor handsome. Body image is not false. It is a real image. The reasons for its existence may not be valid yet the image remains real. It takes a very real reason for this image to change.
I have noted in my own psychology that part of my PE effort is a sort of adolescent \"Initiation Rite\". My father was a quite large shower porn movie sized, with my brother following not so far behind. Next to them I remained permanently entrenched in boyhood and I guess that\'s why I used that term in the title of my PMMA progress report thread. My impression is that after PE my physical image will be that of a man instead of the one frozen in time of a boy. This is important to me even though I\'m way past that age. I see it as a path to delivery from entrapment in boyhood by the male rituals of society.
Perception and delusion are interesting territory to explore. What is usually called delusion is when we perceive something differently than the majority of others. If you are a short Corsican from a modest family and you fancy yourself master of the world, everyone will agree you are delusional. But if you perceive the exact same thing and your name happens to be Napoleon then all of a sudden you have perceived your exceptional destiny as a great man, no delusion there as all agree. By the same token of you are small but there is a consensus that as long as penetration is possible size doesn\'t matter, then you are delusional to think you are \"too small\". But if you are small and it can be established that most women prefer more Girth, then the consensus will be that your perception is accurate and that you might be happier with a Girth enhancement procedure. Breast implants followed the same dictate of consensus, earlier it was considered to be misplaced self-image when a flat chested woman wanted normal boobs: she was delusional. Today it is considered a valid perception of stereotypical normalcy to aspire to huge boobies no matter what your starting cup size might be: not delusional but simply a legitimate choice to customize one\'s physical attractiveness and feel good about oneself. Phalloplasty is far from the maturity of that example, few speak of it because \"everyone knows\" that size doesn\'t matter and to obsess over it is delusional.
@Dd71 ' What do you see as the difference between a horrible false body image and suffering the cruelty of another? Is it important how one acquires a false body image? @Skeptical One ' I agree we need to discuss this without coming off as judgmental. I am interested in understanding this issue to help set healthy boundaries in my own PE pursuits. @mikehok ' I think you are spot on. The keys are 'excessively concerned', 'preoccupied', and 'perceived defect'. For the sake of this discussion let's leave the truly small guys out. We all agreed there exist a 'real' not 'perceived' defect in such cases.
I googled Body Dysmorphia. the description I got was \"a disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features\" Note the word \"perceived\".
There\'s the suggestion that in body dysmorphia the sufferer is deluded. This is certainly the case in an anorexic who cannot see they are dangerously underweight.
But what is happening here has one difference. Generally people are not deluding themselves I don\'t think. If a guy has for example a 3.5ins Erect Girth, there\'s no perceiving about it. It\'s a reality, he is definitely small. Even a guy who is average, may know he is average, but wants to be bigger. You could argue this isn\'t much different to a bodybuilder.
Of course this doesn\'t mean we don\'t have issues and don\'t obsess about it because we do but I think there is a difference.
I\'ve highlighted the concern for body dysmorphia at the old PB, and the need for it to be addressed without coming off as judgmental. I use the word \"judgmental\" because it\'s really hard to determine whether or not we ourselves are justified in our pursuits of penis enlargement.
I think there are a multitude of factors that contribute to an increasing dysmorphia, or \"penis anorexia\" (if you will), including porn & pop culture (movies, tv shows, etc). This has been especially damaging to the younger guys, whom the cougars spoke of, who seem to be even more expectant of pornographic grandeur than what is reasonable. I\'ve said it before and I\'ll say it again, our best bet in combating body dysmorphia is to emphasize the adequacy of \"average.\" If there is a true \"average,\" and if a considerable portion of men possess that average, than evolution intended for it to be more than adequate for procreation. I\'ve always been an advocate for the small guy, but I will remain supportive of all who venture out into the realm of PE. I just ask that who ever does, be certain they do for healthy & rational reasons. I wont judge, but I hope everyone else will be the best judges for themselves.
without a doubt we alot of us on here are dysmorphic. although,there are many members on this site who are in NEED of some help. But I would say the majority fall within average size. The way I see it , those of us who are average sized have either a horrible false body image or like myself have suffered the cruelty of another. When you are told, that you have a small penis for whatever reason....its next to impossible to get that idea out of your head moving foward in your sex life.