TOPIC: Question for guys w/ bad experiences - how do you deal with it?

Thanks a lot guys! I feel much better with that input. This has been a crazy ride since late march. I know I was always one of the more anxious board members even in R1 - so I really appreciate that you haven\'t said \"fuck off\" already (maybe some did privately).

In my first round, I had that beef jerky penis a few days after my PMMA and kinda freaked. A few people posted that they had similar distortions too (that normalized) - which made me feel a lot better. This board has been really helpful. At the time, wade fixed it and it was perfect the next day (you can see it in the early part of my journal - it went from beef jerky to a 100% normal penis).

Anyway, I\'m glad you all think the Sutures look good and it will be ok in the long run. My doc has a mild sense of humor about all this. He said \"well it\'s all fixed now so you can go back to mexico or whatever insane place and put more back in!\" I think he\'s still a little bit mad that I did this when he explicitly forbade me from having injections of any kind. But, I guess he did a good job - just more excised than I thought (and the PMMA was like an iceberg...I could only feel the hard exterior portion of the underside Nodule - but the thing went 3/4\" deep!). Anyway, this kind of surgeon isn\'t really the type to spend 3 hours dissecting PMMA out for cosmetic reasons... he probably removed a prostate earlier in the day. He\'s purely a medical Urologist with more focus on men. I felt like he was maybe too aggressive due to his background, but it sounds like it\'ll be okay. I just trusted him since he\'s basically one of the top male uro specialists, and he sees 100 penises a month with all kinds of problems. I\'ll keep you all posted how it comes together and heals.

I had Necrosis in that area and lost far more skin than that (about 3 times as much). You don\'t need to worry as shaft skin is very stretchy. I too was worried, but despite losing virtually the entire sections of pink inner skin, things are fine. Looking at those photo\'s you\'ll have a perfect result. For some reason I thought you had a vertical scar. I didn\'t actually realize he just removed skin and pulled it up to the circ line. I honestly don\'t think you have anything to worry about, barring the incision not closing again, which it looks like it will.

It looks like Fran-berlin hasn\'t been on since 2012, but it\'s ok... I think I am done worrying about PMMA for now. so, here it is now that the bandages are off - I have too many threads as usual... sorry.

the scar is one thing...and it sounds like it\'ll improve (was this the same as your scar hunk dory?). The other issue is that he took a lot more skin than I thought (I can tell by the freckles being gone). He took maybe 1\" Flaccid vertically... which is roughly 1.5\" Erect. I tried to lightly stretch my penis upward, and the left side is loose and normal - and the right side is very tight and won\'t go past about 3\". There\'s no skin left, so it can\'t.

I mentioned this to him briefly, but he wasn\'t that concerned and said he could try some skin expansion later - I don\'t know what he meant...maybe that stretching device? In any case, it has to heal for several months before I try anything like that - but having 1 side being 6\" Erect and the other being 4.5\" Erect ... I mean, how does that even work?

Jesus christ if i never got round 3... and never got that Nodule removed by a Dermatologist... this would be a whole different story. (I waited 2 months for it to close and since it didn\'t even show signs of improvement - the uro said it never would and at best, it would be a hole). But, he never really said he\'d take off 1\" of skin or how I\'d deal with that.

you might try to pm fran berlin. he had three separate surgeries to remove pmma back in 2012. It was rough but he seemed to recover. phalloboards.websitetoolbox.com/post/inf...972885#post127197288

5.25 is a good size... with the scar tissue you have from the graft placement and Removal, PMMA might not be a good idea. lol at your last line... no - really - i would be in the hospital.

when he said he couldn\'t find healthy tissue, -- i can give this more context

I had a wound that you saw in the other thread that separated. The thought was PMMA got in that wound and never let it close.

So, my doc was determined to get any fibrosis from the PMMA FAR away from where he was connecting the skin edges. So, he went a little too agressive (imo) and removed 1-2\" x 1/2\" of penile skin (it\'s still bandaged) which included that open wound and the large Nodule i had on the base of my shaft, which had attachments all over the inside of my penis. he didn\'t want to dissect it off the Dartos fascia and skin. he wanted \"virgin\" skin untouched by PMMA, which should have been possible because he was working under my shaft for a lot of it (but the PMMA leaked there - if you look in my journal, the VERY first thing I was freaking out about on 3/28 is that the PMMA all leaked under my shaft...and sure enough it was still there in a big wad 4.5 months later...it was not swelling) he just didn\'t know where that wad ended. I think a doctor like Alter might have been more willing to do more dissection rather than making this big incision... but once he got tissue that looked healthy, then he felt better about closing the wound. He just didn\'t want to close the wound with PMMA in there since i already had multiple wound separations.

The scar tissue that forms around the PMMA beads is very tough, annoying, stuff...and it\'s really a headache for surgeons because cutting it without damaging the penile skin is hard. I don\'t know how darkstaff\'s doc got it out. It\'s glued to the skin practically...but I also had it on the Dartos fascia which is bizarre since most people don\'t have it stuck to that (that\'s the layer just under the skin). PMMA sticks to bucks fascia typically.

Hey Restoration,
What does the doctor mean when he said he couldn\'t find any healthy tissue? Was he talking about the skin, the PMMA or something else entirely?

I am sort of in the same boat when it comes to dating - maybe a little further down the river than you are actually age-wise, and guys my age don\'t take care of themselves generally and the ones that do are hooked up.

I really miss the my 7x007 - it definitely made for a lot funner sex. A lot of people still think I am packing and I haven\'t figured out how to handle the situation short of avoiding the encounter all together. I would be game to do something about it but my tolerance for mishaps was used up the last go round. I don\'t think I have another recovery in me - and I can\'t tell from this board if PMMA blows up on people down the road in terms of nodules and bumps or if they are all up front, at least occurring shortly after the procedure. It is hard to keep track of whats going on - if someone has an answer to this please chime in.

I also can\'t figure out if I fucked up my grafts by my behavior or if they go bad on their own no matter what you do (which would make me feel better actually). Either way I got a lot of mileage out of it for over a decade, so I get why people do it.

p.s. you can stretch just about anything.

Yea, I think guys under 30 aren\'t really worth dealing with. I never had a good experience with them. It\'s weird that guys my age and up want under 30..wtf.

7x7 is CRAZY. HA. I don\'t know how you got head with that (or other stuff). 5.5\" is pretty much my upper limit on the \"other stuff\" side.

I\'m gonna take a multivitamin & just try to eat enough citrus fruit to get the vit c part since there are so many other compounds in kiwis and mangoes, etc...

Well, this is like deja vu to 12/2013... where this all began. I have probably a 4-6 month wait until I can see how it is gonna settle. I just really don\'t want it to be raised. It\'ll make more sense on saturday when I take a pic.

His concern was that there wasn\'t any healthy tissue - and he was getting frutrated a little bit in the operation as he said \"this stuff is everywhere...I can\'t find any healthy tissue\" and I didn\'t even know how to reply. I offered to take a look...lol... I said \"well, I know this sounds crazy but i can look because I know where it was all put in...\" and he just kind of ignored me and probably rolled his eyes at the resident. I should\'ve reminded him it was just scar tissue, not the filler - and there are millions of microscopic particles in there that have to be washed out if you want viable tissue to come back.

I mentioned darkstaff was degloved to him in the past...but i think he forgot. Darkstaff didn\'t lose any skin. I wonder if that would\'ve gone better - just to deglove and dissect the linnea safe nodules off dartos...not anything on bucks which was the metacrill. Ugh...well like someone said (you or bigben I think) , i made the decisions with what I knew at the time.

Only the wound that went around my glans split - the vertical Sutures I had on the top of my shaft did not - but those got buried. Those were non absorbing stitches and the ones by the glans were dissolving. He sewed it in a way that the glans stitches were one long connecting thread around the head, and the doctor I went to in NYC did not know how to take it out, or so he said.

My current size is 7 x 5.25 - which is not bad, but nothing to the 7.25 x 7 I had, lol. With regards to the pic request, he was just really into me and was only 24 and horny. He was really aggressive about hitting on me so I went out on a date with him - it is usually me doing all the work so I thought why not. It also made me realize that I would rather date someone my own age - for most of my life my sex life has felt like it was scripted from porn and I am sort of over that, even though I had a lot of fun.

I still have some hyper-pigmentation so it will be hard to tell how noticeable anything is in the end until that goes as the suture areas did not darken. I should post a pic on my thread as it looks pretty damn normal considering what it looked like before. I took vit. C, biotin and antibiotic on the suture area. When it was healed I used (use) the Tamanu oil on it soften the scar tissue. I had raised skin at first and it felt though(ish) all around the glans area from the scarring- it is all normal now - probably time, but the oil is very good for scars. I also got a hand-job the other day and he didn\'t seem at all put off by my Dick and it\'s minor scarring, it is definitely more me. I think a few more experiences and it won\'t be an issue for me either. It is more about getting used to my new size that throws me. I got very used to a 7\" Girth (my starting size before any PE was probably about 6 x 4.5 - and I remember the male nurse asking me why I was doing this as there was nothing wrong with my size the morning of the procedure. This was almost pre-internet and definitely pre support groups like this so I had no idea what normal was.

I am sure you will be fine - you haver never had a long stretch of healing time even though this has gone on since March. Take the vitamins and use the bacitracin, and use the oil to jerk off with when the wound is closed and then let time do it\'s thing - remember it\'s only about 1% of your body mass - even if it is a very important 1%. Your body will take care of the rest.

Wow thanks Hunky Dory. That\'s interesting that they gave you the same vertical mattress stitch. Even that came open on you? That\'s like a 4 point stitch (per suture - there are 4 passes through the skin per knot). Did I read that right? I don\'t know if that image I linked to is exactly how mine looked...but I think it is close from what I saw online. I have to take a picture for the board on saturday when I am allowed to take the bandage off. I just saw it for a second in the OR and was like - oh jesus... that is scary looking. it was just a big fat ridge with stitching like the hem of pants. But, I only saw it for a second, and then I asked to see the specimen jar where a huge chunk of PMMA fibrosis and a lot of skin was floating. I can\'t believe he just cut it out like that... but I guess I had little choice to get the wound & sinus tracking closed.

There\'s been a lot of debate among the docs I have. The derm said I didn\'t have a sinus tract and didn\'t need a large excision. The uro said I did have a sinus tract and it all had to come out or I\'d just end up with a permanent hole there - and possibly an infection in the tract (he cultured it during the surgery but wouldn\'t do a biofilm PCR despite lemperle\'s email). So, I have been wondering if I did the right thing - and I guess I listened to the more \"famous\" doctor here...and a Urologist, who certainly has more penis experience than a Dermatologist. But, maybe the derm was more cosmetically focused and the uro was just being an aggressive surgeon type? Well, there\'s no point to second guess now.. The derm is the one who gave me the open wound, so I guess I have my answer anyway.

I can\'t believe this all started with that one Nodule I didn\'t like - and then it snowballed. If that wound closed, I wouldn\'t have seen the horrible wound care doc, and I wouldn\'t have had this large excision. At least my other nodules didn\'t soften, or I really would be mad at myself for not waiting. Everything is the same as it was around 4 weeks post.

I probably shouldn\'t ask this since I will not be changing anything about my size ever again - but what size are you now? I just wonder what makes someone want a pic like that.

Thanks everyone for these posts. I\'ve felt much better after this morning, seeing that big, elevated, stitch line on my penis in the OR. My Dr was like \"ok - all done!\" and I was thinking - you\'re done? What\'s that scar? Why is it standing up like that? Push it down! But I guess that is what the next 4+ months are for. I asked him if it would flatten and he said he didn\'t know. The goal was to bind the 2 healthy sides together with the greatest surface area...imagine pinching your skin on your arm and stitching that...that\'s my penis on the right side now.

Did you take anything like vitamin C or biotin or anything else? Or, did you apply anything to the scar site? I just was told to put on bacitracin...and I just am taking a multi-vitamin + extra C and biotin with rutin. I doubt that will do much.

Hey Restoration, don\'t underestimate your bodies ability to heal itself. The Sutures will flatten, I had the exact same type of suture in Feb all around my head when they took out the graft. There was a huge amount of Sutures, dried blood and a ridge where the skin had pulled together. Four days later it separated and you could see inside my tissue - and that was just on the front end. I had the same thing on my base where they had to get in to take out the graft from the base.

I thought I was completely mangled - but was relatively zen about it - I don\'t know why except that it was my 3rd Dick surgery. The second was after my Dick grew an Inch from a year of Hanging and they graft stopped abruptly and he had to go in through my Balls to shave the graft down down, leaving a large suture through my Balls.

In March I went to a doctors office in Manhattan for the open wound from the recent procedure and they made me feel like a freak and would not touch me. The second Dr. did but with a attitude that also made me feel like a loser. I hated myself for putting myself at the mercy of these people over my Dick and what I had done to it.

Today, the wounds have healed - there is no evidence of anything around my circ scar. The high ridge is completely flat and left no scar. There is only a thin line that is left where the wound separated that is no big deal - and only visible with a hard on (it was very similar to your pic). I had sex with a 24 year old 2 weeks ago who asked for a pic of my Dick so he could beat off to it later . I still have a thin line by my base. I pointed it out right away because I wanted to get it out of the way as I wanted to avoid the moment when he saw it, but he couldn\'t care less about it.

The Dick you have today will not be the Dick you have 2/3 months form now. It sounds like your surgeries are behind you - you just need to rack up some time to heal. Because of all your complications you have not had a long stretch of healing time. By the way, the tissue also fills in from the bottom up towards the skin, not just left to right so your dent may only be a dimple or not even that.

The story of your PE experience is not over. There are also more than 2 or 3 people on here that reported there lumps have gone on there own. Also give yourself some credit for living your life. You did something that most people don\'t do because you wanted to see what was on the other side. I have started business with that attitude, sometimes they have failed sometimes they succeed - give yourself credit for trying. Your sex life is not over, trust me - I have been there. (sorry for the long post).

Bigben, those are really good points. I am too timeline crazed. Me and hoddle and this conversation in another thread where we\'d say \"ok by the fall i\'ll be ok\" - \"ok no by the winter.. ok no by spring...\" and I\'ve been doing this since March (my round 3). You\'re right it\'s just probably better to take things day by day and be in the present. It\'s hard to resist though... by my b-day I\'ll go out and have a ton of sex with people...or maybe not. I\'ve never paid for sex before. I know people who do - but honestly the hookers available around here would have to pay me. They\'re gross, IMO. And, in my old building, I\'d see hotter guys in the freaking elevator. Like HOT HOT model types (all straight tho) - my new bldg sucks. More gay guys but fug.

I\'ve been seeing a counselor...but my insurance is not great for mental health - and they give you like 40 minutes a week...which is less helpful than just talking to a friend of mine. I have a psychiatrist for cymbalta (which worked once upon a time... now I am just stuck on it...I don\'t think it does anything). He also does some basic psychotherapy. The day I got burned with silver nitrate by that Dr. Bloom, he saw me right away - and he was pretty helpful. He was pretty mortified when I told him my Balls got burned off (my uro was like wtf is that? when he saw the pic...he was like \"did they do this to you in tijuana too?\" - no - right here in america!!) They had to sterilize me today and it burned like crazy in the OR because my Balls haven\'t healed yet. I have no clue what they used...some weird tube with orange stuff they shook up and painted all over me. It has some alcohol in it, and I was like - can you rub that off please?? and they couldn\'t because it had to sit on the skin to kill the bacteria. ugh. After 20 min, it stopped burning bad, but I can still feel it slightly even now.

I\'m gonna go scratch them...lol.

Mustang dont worry you didn\'t scare me. It\'s cool - I mean, if I wait a while, I wait... then that\'s fine. The other nodules will soften (maybe) by that time too...and I\'ll be back to where I was before Round 3 ... one day...

My derm thinks round 3 happened like this because my skin couldn\'t stretch. He said it has happened to women\'s faces when they keep layering filler in.. but considering it hasn\'t happened to some of our beer can members on this board, I am not sure he\'s right. It\'s possible that the metacrill implant was too mature and just squeezed out the linnea safe... and maybe there was some problem inside of me getting the LS to stick to the metacrill.. but I think I had enough room. The LS stuck to my outer fascia (my uro didn\'t even dissect it...he just cut all the skin out... so freaking gross). Oh, and at the bottom (inside my penis - on the linnea safe nodules), it was still black / burned from the silver nitrate... gross.

Restoration wrote: Thanks Mustang!

Wow 9-12 months... geez. Well, that\'ll probably be my timeline when all is said and done. I guess sex was too much of a part of my life - and my friends always text me about their conquests...and I send a pic back of my messed up penis.

Is your penis pretty healthy and normal looking? I know post-elist situations can have plenty of issues. I\'m going to have this ridge for a very long time, I think...and fortunately it is in the circ scar area so I can say it was a Circumcision, but people might still be like wtf.

LOL....Sorry to scare you man. But I had a very different situation than yours. Once your wound is healed, you can have sex in a few weeks if you want, not months. For complete healing and stability, you know already it will take some time. But functionality will be there soon. Just find a hooker when you are ready....Just kidding, may be not

I am sorry your situation has been so challenging. I also suffered for years but finally got the help through counseling. You are probably suffering from depression and that is a normal reaction to very difficult circumstances. Any healthy person would react that way, but it is still a good idea to reach out for help to a therapist or even just a close friend.

Regarding the latest procedure, I am sure this will take time to heal. I would resist the urge to set the expectation it has to be completely resolved on a certain date as this will just add pressure and more stress you don\'t need. And please stop beating yourself up. You did the best you could with info you had at the time. It is great to hear you have a top Urologist who is eager to help. That is what important right now.

Remember though this is not cancer or some other horrible affliction that will render you permanently disfigured or impotent. YOU WILL RECOVER. You made it through peyronies surgery which is much higher risk and you will get through this.

I would suggest seeing a counselor while in recovery, but if nothing else find new activities to relieve your mental unrest. I know in my case volunteer work helped tremendously as it took the focus of off myself and put it on others. When I made this shift my body healed and my physical pain was eventually permanently removed. best wishes R. nice comments mustang.

Thanks Mustang!

Wow 9-12 months... geez. Well, that\'ll probably be my timeline when all is said and done. I guess sex was too much of a part of my life - and my friends always text me about their conquests...and I send a pic back of my messed up penis.

Is your penis pretty healthy and normal looking? I know post-elist situations can have plenty of issues. I\'m going to have this ridge for a very long time, I think...and fortunately it is in the circ scar area so I can say it was a Circumcision, but people might still be like wtf.

Resto, I know how you feel. Being there too, and may be worse. Give your self some time and get busy with something else you enjoy.

A few days you will feel better and after that it will be smooth sailing...

If you have time, look at my wound after genius elist took out the implant while I was watching. It bled for days. I think I did not have sex for 9-12 months....

Good luck dude