This is my first post here, and after reading some of the other topics and posts, I felt compelled to share my story. I\'ve looked for an outlet to share some of my thoughts, feelings, and insecurities, but finding an outlet to discuss insecurity of this nature is relatively difficult to find. With that being said, here goes. Also, let me apologize in advance for the length of my post.
I\'m 32 years old and am still a virgin. When I was born, I was born with undescended testicles, which later developed into hypogonadism. I was also born with a very small penis; in fact, I would later discover that the medical term for my condition is called a micropenis.
I spent a good bit of my childhood, visiting various medical specialists to diagnose and attempt to treat my various medical conditions. When I was 7, I had surgery to correct my undescended testicles, but for some reason, the doctors only lowered my right testicle and left the left testicle in the semi-lowered position it still occupies today. When I entered my teenage years, and was able to understand exactly what procedures were and were not performed, I asked the doctors why both testicles were not lowered. I never got a satisfactory answer. To this day, part of me still speculates that I was somewhat of a test subject for medical experimentation. I harbor that suspicion for the following reason.
A few years after my surgery, I began undergoing weekly hormonal injections to attempt to get my body to begin producing testosterone. As I mentioned previously, I was also diagnosed with hypogonadism so my body produces very little natural testosterone. I speculate that the doctors who oversaw my surgery and treatment wanted to see whether they could induce my body into producing testosterone with one functional testicle instead of two. Again, this all could be wild speculation on my part, but I never did receive a satisfactory answer from my doctors as to why the surgeons never did correct both undescended testicles, and I posed that question to them numerous times.
Fast-forward to my teenage years, and I began receiving straight-up testosterone injections instead of the injections of hormonal precursors that are supposed to make your body naturally produce testosterone. I am still on testosterone replacement therapy to this day. Thankfully, the invention of Androgel has made introduction of the treatment into my bloodstream much easier and less painful, even though the injections weren\'t all that bad. The problem, however, is that I have moved around a lot over the last 5 years, changed jobs, and switched insurance carriers multiple times. Thus, it has been a challenge to maintain a consistent regimen of testosterone replacement. Oh yeah, Androgel is pretty expensive too.
So all this leads me to discuss the size, or lack thereof, of my penis. Well, despite all the treatment, surgery, and injections I received as a child and teenager, my penis size never progressed beyond what would be classified as well below average. I don\'t have exact measurements to give, but if I had to estimate, I would say probably 1 1/2 to 2 inches
Flaccid with very little
Girth.
My condition and life experiences have caused all sorts of psychological and emotional implications, that I have a hard time verbalizing or expressing. Sometimes, I am not even sure I am aware of all of the emotional and psychological issues that I am dealing with. For starters, I can tell you that all of my visits to the doctors as a child -- lying on a table as a doctor examines and measures your penis, while some medical interns are observing, cemented in my mind at a very early pre-adolescent age that my penis size was not normal.
However, when I hit adolescence, it was then that I fully started to realize just how different my situation was as opposed to virtually everyone else. It\'s at that point that I realized that I did not physically \"measure up\" to the physical norm, and this realization further increased the emotional, mental, and psychological issues that I clumsily wrestled with as a young child. I did not really date all that much in high school, and I always tried to push the possibility of sexual intercourse to the furthest recesses of my mind for fear of the awful consequences that could ensue.
Even up to the present, I genuinely fear the thought of intimacy because of the possible adverse consequences. As a consequence, I have set up all kinds of psychological and emotional barriers, some consciously and probably a lot of others subconsciously, to prevent myself from forming emotional attachments to people of the opposite sex. This has also caused me to approach dating and affectionate activity from a very guarded and cautious perspective. To this day, I have probably been in about 3 or 4 dating relationships and have gone out on casual dates with a few other people here and there. However, I have never even let myself get anywhere near the point where sexual activity is even a possibility. Those psychological and emotional barriers have done their job well.
I would love to find a person who would accept me for who I am and love me for who I am, physical shortcomings, insecurities, and all, and a part of me believes that I could probably have a meaningful sexual relationship with such a person. However, I also feel that I need to protect myself from people who would ridicule, humiliate, or denigrate me or my masculinity based solely on the size of my penis. If I were to ever open myself up to such a person and pursue a sexual relationship, and were that person to make fun of me due to my size, then the resulting emotional, psychological, and mental trauma would be devastating.
All of my experiences and feelings actually led me to consider PE several years ago. It was approximately 6 years ago, when I lived in Virginia, that I discovered Dr. Giunta and seriously considered surgical enhancement. I spoke with Dr. Giunta twice over the telephone and asked him all of the questions I had about his procedure. I also did some internet research to learn about the results people have achieved from his surgery. Like with most things, I discovered that there were both good and bad results. I finally opted not to undergo surgery because, at 26, I felt that the negative consequences looked like they outweighed the possible positive ones.
This leads me to where I am today. Recently, I have begun thinking about possible surgical enhancement again, and reading the posts and topics in this forum piqued my curiosity even more.
As I said before, I apologize for the length of my post. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share, and for those who read everything I wrote, thank you for caring enough to do so.
