TOPIC: PMMA has been the worst decision of my life. My sad story

Old user writing here, ivan808 or something, I forgot what my old username was. I made it impossible for me to log into my old account a few months ago because I did the dumb mistake to send a member pics of me after my 2nd round which I completely regretted and decided I'd type in an impossible to remember password and a new email so I can't log in and continue the conversation.

I'll try to make this as short as possible as I expect a high chance this will get removed since I will stick out like a sore thumb amongst all other stories. I've had 3 PMMA sessions already. I can say a decision that I expected to change my life indeed did that. But to the worse. I found this place a year ago and it was like an answer to my prayers. I didn't have luck with manual PE and I had no problem paying as long as someone can solve my biggest insecurity. Seeing everyone's delight after a few rounds made me think wow. I'll be a new man in a year. I'll finally solve what's been ruining my life and what's caused me severe depression. I'm in my 20s and have never had sex all because of my size. I'm by far no Brad Pitt but I've had a few cases where I know that with some minimum effort I'd get laid. I refused all without even thinking about it. I'm incredibly ashamed and I'll likely not even get an Erection in front of a woman due to my size and performance anxiety. I'm one of those who can't just put it in and go on with my day. If the woman didn't like it I'd instantly get even worse knowing she'd never repeat. Before my first procedure, I was gravitating around the so called average for both length and Girth. Length would gravitate around 5.5'' probably peaking at 6'' while I was Hanging for a bit which I had to stop not because I wanted but because I'm also cursed to be a Grower and the Hanger would always slip off. I couldn't do it. Girth was 5.2-5.3''. In short, after my first trip I wasn't pleased. I was obviously thicker but looked shorter. I was so depressed about it that I didn't even wanna measure because seeing the digits on the ruler would kill me. I'm sure it wasn't just in my head, my Dick was definitely shorter. My cursed fate wouldn't stop there though... I lost almost all of my gains overnight after about 3 months. If I had to guess I had probably gained 0.5'' which is the average after my first round after the 6 weeks period before I lost 90% of it. Then I could remember coming out of the shower one night and I just felt my Flaccid looked a lot thinner than just a while ago. When I had an Erection, it confirmed my fears. It was just a bit thicker than my original size. It was absolutely brutal.

A few weeks later, super disheartened, I had my second appointment. I decided I'd measure this time after the settlement period ends. Few weeks later the ruler would show 5'8-ish in Girth. Which would equate to an avg gain of 0.25'' in 2 rounds which is terrible. I could live with that as I knew I could get more rounds. However, I get a new hit. I'm now deformed. There's a horrible and significant gap between my circ. scar and the rest. The neck area was empty. It looked like a shelf, on top the outlining wasn't even circular, it was like a drawing, I don't know if you get what I mean, a horrible deformity. I come on here to search for past accidents like this and to zero surprise I find out this can't be corrected because this is apparently a very sensitive zone and if they insert product there it'd baloon or whatever. I book a 3rd trip for 6 weeks later.

I go. Another hit. I lay down and when they began injecting me, I notice their stares. There was obviously a problem , they looked concerned. The doctor then tells me they can't put the max possible volume which I demanded because my last visit was just 6 weeks ago and that the penis was rejecting the new product or whatever. I know it's not their fault my penis is so horrible but no one warned me that I'd only be eligible for a touch up and not a full session when I was emailing them and before paying. They said they'd count this as a touch up and refunded $2000 of what I paid. I barely held back the tears leaving the office laugh or not, to most of you it's not a big deal because A) you're far bigger than me B ) most of you are Americans and the trip to Tijuana is a few hours. For me, the trip is 30 hours in one direction. 3 stops. A journey of absolute hell. So much pain already, absolutely shattered after almost 2 days of no sleep and all I could get was a touch up which is basically useless since they can't address the neck area. I think I got like 5cc of product max.

Then, the first time I unpack it, I was surprised that it was that thick. I expected almost zero change since I barely got any product but my first time getting an Erection I measured at 6.7''. From previous experience I knew it was downhill from here only so I didn't celebrate. I didn't get swollen the 2nd and 3rd rounds as I did the first time by the way. There's no change to my deformity and 2 weeks later, I've lost a fair share of the 6.7'' already. A week ago I measured at 6.5'' but it looked significantly thinner than the first time. Now I'm even thinner, at absolute most I'd be 6'' after all is settled. To me, even though I'm aware, watching it go from a great thickness to smaller and smaller by the day is really heartbreaking. I am so self conscious about my size that I've now developed ED because of that. My situation is so serious that. when I can't hold myself from wanting to masturbate, I begin shaking when I open a porn site. Getting hard is super hard. I feel horror touching it because I feel it's thinner than the day or week before. I feel horror knowing I've lost from my miserable length as well. I feel horror knowing I'm deformed and my Dick is not only small but horribly looking too. It's like a Circumcision gone very wrong. I feel completely hopeless that I'll ever have sex. At my age, it's a massive death sentence and every day is a horror because of that. I know the stuff I'm gonna hear now. One of them will be ''you're mentally ill''. Yes, I do know the situation is serious but I know it's completely justified. It's not as if I'm a 7x7 guy stressing because I'm not as big as some porn star. My Dick looks horrible, both size and aesthetics. It doesn't even function anymore. On top, as I mentioned, I'm a Grower which is a constant reminder that I'm small. I've gained 0.7''-ish Girth in 3 visits, lost a cm or two in the length I was already severely deprived of. It looks shocking too. Last time I shared my experience I got called a penumma shill because apparently wishing I did that instead of PMMA is shilling. People will quote all the bad experiences people had there which I agree with but I turned out no better. I won't list the positives I'd have had from penumma because I wanna spare myself the feedback. In fact, if you're considering both and wondering what to choose, PMMA is probably the better option and I hope this shows somebody that it's not all roses here. I was never warned I could lose size or get such a deformity and I've read almost all of the threads on here back in the day. I know some people will also say even after my length loss I'm still ''average'' in length and ''above average'' in Girth. On paper it sounds like this but I guarantee you none of you can live with what a penis of this size is like in real life. It looks very small looking at it from above, it looks better in the mirror. When I grab it I just know it's not good enough even if it wasn't deformed. I wish there was something I could do, I'd go to incredible lengths to fix myself as I already did but there's nothing. Nothing I can do about it. I researched surgeries and other procedures for enlargement and there simply isn't anything. The few very unpromising ones that I stumbled upon specifically mentioned no previous fillers/surgeries. So even if something pops up in 10 years, I'm screwed.

I don't even know the purpose of writing all of this but it certainly feels a slight relief to just share it even though I'm aware this is either getting deleted or I'm getting mocked. I won't doubt the legitimacy of other people's incredible threads because it's apparent they have gained and they aren't deformed. For example, Jacks10's thread, he started with less Girth than me and ended up at 7'' after a few sessions and no deformities + pictures included. I honestly feel hopeless and I don't have much more gas in the tank to go on. Only two types of people will understand my pain. Virgins at around my age/older or people around my size. I know some of those posting threads such as ''I'm afraid I've gotten too big'' won't have the slightest of ideas about what I'm going through and will just disregard it and say ''size doesn't matter, just do it, many people your size or smaller are having sex''. I don't know what I'll do, perhaps I'll try PE again so I can fail with that again and when that doesn't work out... I guess I'll just do what requires no mention here, I'll just end my suffering. I guess you can't cheat your genetics.

In case the admin thinks I'm trolling/shilling, he can check my old account's DMs and he can find the pictures I sent there to see what I'm saying. Please just don't share them on here, that was the last time I ever point the camera at my pathetic excuse of a Dick.

Sorry to hear your ordeal, and I say this respectfully, but this wasn't the story I expected to read given the title. I thought your penis was undergoing some major infection or needed serious de-gloving, and to be quite frank this is unnecessarily dramatic. I'm not trying to dismiss your grievances but you couldn't even provide photos to help give us a better picture or context...but I digress.

This very much reads like someone who needs to retire from Phalloplasty or penis enlargement (PE) altogether. You say at one point: "Now I'm even thinner, at absolute most I'd be 6'' after all is settled" as if it was the end of the world having a Magnum XL Girth, literally describing your situation as a "massive death sentence." I'm afraid there isn't anything in this area that will make you happy from these kind of remarks, and you really need to refocus your direction and decisions in life moving forward, and away from PE.

I am not deleting this post because I want you to feel like you could get this off your chest, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that your case is relatable to the vast majority of men who approach cosmetic enhancement with a sound state of mind.

I implore you to discontinue forum use, discontinue porn use, and seek out therapy. This isn't meant to mock or insult, on the contrary, you need to improve your mental well-being, and this PE stuff is only exacerbating the problem(s). And I mean, as a trade-off for keeping this post live, I ask you never post again and move on to a healthier outlet for you.

Good luck.