OK - no comments but 4 poll results with 50:50 split.
Maybe you will like this. I had to read quite a way down before I got the joke...
MELBOURNE PLASTIC AND RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGEON DR JILL TOMLINSON
Print
SCROTAL REJUVENATION AND BALLSACK BEAUTY
Written by Dr Jill Tomlinson on 01 April 2015 Last Updated 16 April 2015.
April 1: Dr Jill Tomlinson ' Plastic Surgeon is pleased to announce the introduction of full scrotal rejuvenation services to its extensive range of high end plastic surgical services offered at its exclusive rooms in Bridge Road, Richmond.
Dr Jill Tomlinson is the first Australian plastic surgeon to offer the complete range of scrotal rejuvenation techniques which include scrotal lift, testicular replacement, testicular augmentation, testicular reduction, testicular reshaping, laser hair
Removal, XXXX Gold waxing, pigmentation correction, scrotal laser rejuvenation with fractionated and vascular lasers including endovascular vein
Removal, scrotal peels, scrotal ironing, penazzling, balldazzling, anal bleaching, scrotal tattooing and scrotal laser tattoo
Removal.
'I was began offering these services to Melbourne men after seeing a Dove advertisement ' I was dismayed to discover that only 4% of men worldwide know how beautiful their
Balls are. It made me so sad to realise that. By offering specialist scrotal rejuvenation services and my new scrotal care range BallSack Beauty I aim to have 100% of Australian men realising the beauty of their own
Balls, and those of the men around them.'
Dr Jill Tomlinson has been delighted by the response of Melbourne men to her recently launched pioneering scrotal skin care range BallSack Beauty, and believes most men will soon incorporate the products into their daily beauty regimen. The plucky pioneering surgeon says: 'BallSack Beauty contains the scrotal cosmoceuticals men have been asking for. Many men have felt discriminated against due to the lack of masculine hygiene products available on the market. BallSack Beauty addresses this gender disparity.'
'With our 6 step scrotal care regimen and instructional videos men will soon be proud to have beautiful
Balls. Importantly, with our range men will no longer be at risk of the self-induced and painful BSAS syndrome (Ball-Shave After-Shave Syndrome).'
THE DOVE ADVERTISEMENT THAT INSPIRED DR TOMLINSON (will need to add youtube link)
Your
Balls are more beautiful than you think.
SCROTAL REJUVENATION SERVICES AT A GLANCE
SCROTAL LIFT ('TACKLE TIGHTENING')
' Delivers a higher, tighter scrotum by removing excess scrotal tissue ' because there's only so much you can achieve with a personal trainer and Paleo diet
' Effectively corrects congenital Low Hangers as well as those scrotums that have dropped through ageing, stress and swinging
' Aftercare: compression garment for 6 weeks, with daily use of BallSack Beauty products to speed and enhance recovery
' Can be combined with testicular replacement, reduction or reshaping
TESTICULAR AUGMENTATION
' Designed for small-balled men, testicular augmentation uses 21st century Dutch implant technology to increases the size of your
Balls as well as the depths of your courage.
' All implants are in full compliance with ISO and EU requirements, and are CE certified under the Medical Device Directive 93/42/ EEC.
TESTICULAR REDUCTION
' Ideal for men who are burdened with excessively large
Balls and for whom manspreading is a medical necessity
' Aftercare: compression garment for 6 weeks, with daily use of BallSack Beauty products to speed and enhance recovery
' Complications: increased vocal pitch, reduced facial hair and a desire to Lean Out
TESTICULAR RESHAPING
' For men who have misshapen testicles but who are satisfied with the existing size of their testicles
' Uses a chromium powered natural crystal laser to precisely adjust the existing fascial covering of the testicle to achieve the individual's preferred shape (round, ovoid or novelty). Novelty forms include asteroid, rhomboid, truncated hexagonal, 4D-cube, custom beer opener, and enneagram but we can create any geometric shape you choose.
TESTICULAR REPLACEMENT
SSS (Scrotal Size Standard) Diameter (mm)
Acorn 20
Bean Bag 22
Chicken Nuggets 24
Darth Vader 26
Eggs 28
Family Jewels 30
Goolies 32
Huevos 34
Jawbreakers 36
Knackers 38
Love Spuds 40
Marbles 42
Nuts 44
Profiteroles 46
Rocks 48
Spheres of Destiny 50
Taters 52
Watermelons 54
Yams 56
' Replacement testicles for men who are unhappy with their existing testicles and where augmentation, reduction or reshaping is not clinically appropriate. Also suitable for men who have misplaced (temporary replacement) or lost (permanent replacement) one or both testicles.
' Replacement testicles come in ovoid and circular forms, with a smooth or textured shell. Size gradations are in 2mm increments from A to Y according to the European Union Scrotal Size Standard (see SSS chart, right). With 1879 different off-the-shelf options to choose from as well as custom made shaped designs for the hard-to-please male, we promise you'll be 100% satisfied with our BallSack Beauty testicular replacement range!
' All BallSack Beauty testicular replacement implants are in full compliance with ISO and EU requirements, and are CE certified under the Medical Device Directive 93/42/ EEC.
' Aftercare: compression garment for 6 weeks, with daily use of BallSack Beauty products to speed and enhance recovery
LASER HAIR
Removal
' Because if God meant for you to have hair down there he wouldn't have invented laser hair
Removal!
' Make your scrotum touchably, wonderfully, smooth
XXXX GOLD WAXING
' Performed in our Bridge Road Richmond rooms by our qualified scrotal therapists, led by our Scrotal Squadron leader Sally Couilles, our XXXX Gold wax will have your scrotum looking smooth and kissable in less than the time it takes to down a cold beer. Can you feel a XXXX coming on?
SCROTAL LASER REJUVENATION
' Tightens the skin of the scrotum, upper thighs and the perineum to address the visible signs of scrotal ageing
' Evens out irregularities and lightens pigmentation
' Small vein
Removal. Note that scrotal veins larger than 6mm in diameter require endovascular laser therapy for effective sclerosal, which requires a small cut in the scrotal skin.
SCROTAL IRONING
' The controlled application of heat through our all-natural Irish ironing stones creates noticeable tightening and erythema of the scrotal skin.
' Downtime: allow 4-7 days while the blistering subsides prior to engaging in activities where the scrotal skin may move
' Added benefit: deep ironing will reduce long term hair regrowth and is an all-natural contraceptive through its effects on cosmesis and performance
PENAZZLING
' For special occasions as well as for complementing everyday
Balls
' Choose from matt, bling, shiny, princess cut, Swarovski and Omfg diamantes.
' Incorporation of crystals to harness the natural testicular healing powers of the sacral chakra
BALLDAZZLING (ALSO TERMED 'DISCO
Balls*')
' Recommended in combination with XXXX Gold waxing ' spin your
Balls your own way!
' *Warning: we do not recommend displaying bedazzled
Balls in nightclubs, bars, discos or holding cells.
ANAL BLEACHING
' Extend the bright happy glow of your perfect scrotal complexion all the way to your anus!
' Combine laser pigmentation
Removal with our nightly at-home topical treatment products for rapid and effective bleaching
' Clients must avoid sun exposure to the anus for 2 weeks before and 6 weeks after treatment. Note: anal sunbaking will reduce the long term effectiveness of our treatments and ongoing touch ups may be required for clients who persist with regular anal sunbaking.
SCROTAL MASSAGE
' A personalised service delivered by our Scrotal Squadron leader Sally Couilles
' Scientifically proven to effectively address stress and relieve blue
Balls
SCROTAL TATTOOING (TEMPORARY AND PERMANENT)
' Cover areas of scrotal pigmentation loss by having your natural colour tattooed into your affected scrotal skin
' Incorporate a tattooed message to a special woman in your scrotal design - because nothing says 'I love you, darl' like tattooing a name on your scrotum. Hi Mum!
BALLSACK BEAUTY PRODUCTS
' The BB range has prescription strength products specifically designed to eliminate ball sweat, soften ball stubble, correct pigmentation, tighten scrotal skin, slow hair growth, reduce grey hairs, address acne, correct redness and prevent wrinkling.
' Scrotal peels use natural products including lactic, hydrofluoric and kojic acid to tighten the scrotum and address pigmentation. Dr Tomlinson recommends a weekly treatment for 10 weeks, then a maintenance peel every month to keep your
Balls in tip top, lickable shape.
' BB concealers, bronzers and foundation are available for home use on those days when you need extra scrotal assistance to help you look your best. The base ingredient of activated almonds is all-natural so is compatible with all skin types, including sensitive skin and people who have severe nut allergies!
ballsack2
To celebrate the official launch of Scrotal Rejuvenation and the BallSack Beauty brand Dr Jill Tomlinson ' Plastic Surgeon is offering a free BallSack Beauty treatment product applicator absolutely free with any purchase**. That's right, you pay absolutely nothing! The free applicator (see right) normally retails at $89.95AUD and is designed to fit snuggly around the penis and scrotum. It ensures even coverage of your scrotum with the BallSack Beauty products and incorporates an internal dermal roller that facilitates deep penetration of the active ingredients into the dermis of the scrotum.
**One BallSack Beauty applicator per person, offer only available until midday today - April 1, 2015. Call Dr Jill Tomlinson - Plastic Surgeon now on (03) 9427 9596, our telephonists are waiting for your call!