TOPIC: Tough Pill's PE Motivations and Journey (Revised) (Photos Inside)

Chapter I, 7/31/19
Hello fellow members. After years of casual reading, I finally took the plunge with PMMA. I’m sitting in my room at the Grand Hotel Tijuana, just returned from my procedure. Let’s start from the beginning. I’ve got nothing but time on my hands, so this post is going to be quite long. I wouldn’t blame anyone for skipping large parts of it.
One of my first porn experiences was a site dedicated to big penises. Porn is all about placing yourself in the situation, and I think the appeal of big Dick porn to straight guys is that we get to imagine that a pornstar is worshipping our massive member. I was only about 12 or 13, and didn’t know anything about women wanting that. I once had two friends over after school, and while I was in the bathroom, they looked through my browsing history and found it. They proceeded to make fun of me for it, and told a bunch of kids at school. One girl even made a reference to it when she signed my yearbook. This was my first experience with friends who weren’t really my friends.
Regardless, I knew from a pretty early age that a huge Dick was something I wanted. Being a teenager, I didn’t even know that PE was a thing. Some research did turn up something called Jelqing, but I could never figure it out, and I always just ended up masturbating. The funny thing is that I was always above average. My first girlfriend, when pressed, said that I was “pretty big.” Of course, mine was the first she’d ever handled, so she didn’t really know anything, and I didn’t trust her opinion. Anyway, that relationship continued while I was in college, and she remained the only girl who had ever seen my Dick until we broke up when I was 22.
When I was in college, I had a huge crush on a girl who never felt the same way. I spent a lot of time with her and her roommates, and we’ll call one of them Abby. There was this really rat faced guy who was interested in Abby, and she started sleeping with him pretty quickly. When she announced that to me, I made a sort of quizzical face, and she almost immediately replied “He has a huge Dick.” I laughed that off, but the memory stuck with me. He didn’t really have anything going for him other than that, and that was enough.
After college, I went through a prolonged period of involuntary celibacy, while I was massively underemployed and living with my parents.

Chapter II, 7/31/19
My love life picked up again when I was 24, and I started sleeping with someone much more sexually liberated. Let’s call her Bella. I’m not proud of this, but it began with her cheating on her boyfriend. She did make comments about my larger than average size, and once screamed “O my God you’re so fucking big!!!” That was just about the best thing a girl has ever told me. She also once told me that we definitely wouldn’t still be sleeping together if I had a small Dick. After she and her bf broke up, we continued seeing each other. One night we were drinking with her best friend, whom we will call Lauren, and the topic of Bella’s ex came up. Those two talked about sex in granular detail. Bella, being a little bit resentful of him, said something derisive. Lauren replied, “Big Dick though.” And oooo did I hate that. I knew by this time that I was on the larger side, and I might well have been bigger than him. I wanted to ask, and I know she would have told me, but I would have been very bothered had he been bigger. So I never did ask. Around this time, Lauren started dating a much older man. He will be referred to as Mark. She must have been 21 or 22, and this guy was in his early 50s. He was very muscled and had lots of money to buy her stuff. But what bothered me was that I got to hear from my girl all about how this guy had a huge Dick. Lauren even told me about it a couple of times. Apparently, he liked to show off by putting his watch on it. I now suspect that he had some work done to get that big. And she was all about that size. Lauren was really hot, and I wanted girls like her to talk about me like that. I didn’t care to have girls talking about my muscles (I’m pretty skinny), or my money (I was very broke at the time). That didn’t bother me. I wanted girls talking about how I filled them up with my huge Cock. That relationship was never meant to last, and I moved out of state for a job. She went back to her ex.
The next 4 girls never said a word about my size. I didn’t bang any of them more than about 10 times, so I guess there just wasn’t time for it to come up, but I wanted that affirmation. On to the next one, which was a one-night stand. When the reveal came, her eyes went wide and she said “Oh my God. It’s huge.” Now, I know that I’m above average, but calling me huge is simply and demonstrably untrue. I found myself wondering if she was just telling me that to boost my ego. The next girl, when I said something about how I had a pretty good-sized Dick, immediately responded emphatically with “Yes you DO.” That was good to hear, but I wanted more. There were then 3 more girls, and all of them commented once or twice on my size. One even screamed about it, which is just the best.

Chapter III, 7/31/19
As I write this, I find myself wondering if my desire to be bigger is healthy. Probably not. My sexual experiences to date all indicate that my size is more than adequate. But I want to be more than good enough. I’ve wanted that since I was in middle school, and two years ago I decided to do something about it. I bought an X4 extender, and started using it every night. Since then, I’ve tried numerous other devices, and I’m now mostly Hanging with a Size Doctor. I’m up a little more than a half Inch in length. It definitely works, but you really have to commit to it. My Girth efforts have been much less successful. I’ve slept with two girls in those two years, and both have commented on my size occasionally. It feels good to be told that, but I still want more.
I have slept with 14 girls in my life, and 8 of them have commented, in a positive way, about how I’m big. That’s 57%. Were they saying that to make me feel good? Or were they saying that because size matters? I’m convinced that it’s because size matters. Maybe it only matters to 57% of girls. Maybe it’s not even that. But I have rejected the notion that size doesn’t matter. I’m thankful for the Cock I was born with. According to calcSD, I’m the longest in a room of 20 guys, and the thickest in a room of 5. A lot of guys would love to have what I have, especially after 2 years of PE. But the fact is that I’m simply not satisfied. I want to bang a bunch of hot young chicks, and I want them telling all their friends that I’m the biggest they’ve ever had. I want their friends to stare at my crotch when they think I won’t notice. I want that satisfying scream from every girl. I want a big bulge that clearly visible though my jeans. I want all those things, and I want them now. When I turned 30, I did a lot of introspection, and I realized that I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s. I kept doing things that didn’t make me happy, and I denied myself things that I wanted. I want that huge Dick, so I got serious about finding the right doctor.
After I found Dr. Elist, I did my due diligence and found PhalloBoards. This forum promptly convinced me that Elist was too risky. It also convinced me that Avanti was worth considering. Before I found this community, I would have laughed at the idea of getting a weird medical procedure south of the border. But every review read talked about their professionalism and the terrific results. You do see plenty of bad results from PMMA, but almost none of them are from Avanti. They’re all from Thailand, Serbia, Brazil… Avanti has almost uniformly positive reviews. I also considered Morganstern, but I really wasn’t interested in temporary fillers. I don’t want to have that huge Dick and slowly lose it unless I go back every two years for the rest of my life. Same thing with fat transfers. So Avanti it is.

Chapter IV, 7/31/19
Naturally, I lied to my family about where I was going. They think I’m camping right now. Instead, I woke up this morning in the Grand Hotel Tijuana. Some people have raved about this hotel, and others have said it’s a dump. My opinion is somewhere in the middle. It’s pretty good. Obviously an older building that’s been extensively remodeled. But the room service is good, there’s a nice view of the golf course, and it’s got a nice comfy bed. Also, the elevators are like lightning.
I have been made to understand that you can get from the hotel to the clinic without ever going outside, but I haven’t figured out how to do that. So I walked for one minute to get the large, but rather sleazy front entrance of the medical tower. I saw a chick get out of a car and go inside, who had the most outrageous bubble butt I’ve ever seen in my life. That can’t be real. Being a patient for cosmetic procedures make you think about this stuff in ways I never did before. Anyway, up to the 11th floor and around the corner I found the clean, well-lit office of Avanti Derma. I was just me and the receptionist, who was expecting me. She immediately led me to a waiting room, where she collected the fee for the airport shuttle and gave me some forms to fill out. After about five minutes, Dr. Morales came in, and gave me a chance to ask questions. She was very calm and reassuring, which was good since I was getting a bit nervous. She also gave me an Ativan to ease my nerves. When the Q&A was over, Ian led me to the operating room. He gave me a gown to put on backwards and took some pics. He took a face pic, which he assured me was just for their internal records. Other than that, it was detailed pics of my Cock, from every angle. I laid back in the dentist’s chair where the procedure was performed. Dr Morales came in and took two tubes of blood from my arm, with which to refine the platelet-rich plasma. While she went to take care of that, Ian sterilized the whole area. She came back, and it was time for Lidocaine. There were several shots of that, all over my Dick. From then on, there was no pain, or really even discomfort. And then the product was applied. That part took less than an hour. I made sure not to look down, since I do not like seeing needles in my body. While this was happening, we made casual conversation about other topics. They’re both very amicable. When it was done, she told me that I got 12cc of 30%, and 9cc of 10%. That’s a total of 21cc, and they assured me that I won’t be charged for the extra 1cc. When I looked down, I saw that I was already quite bruised. My size was roughly the same as when my Erection has just gone down. Honestly, I had half expected to see a monster right after. But that’s OK. For right now, it seems to be just a bruised and engorged version of my normal Dick. Ian wrapped me in Ace bandage, and instructed me to keep it on for 4 hours if possible, but not less than 2 hours. I’ll take pictures when I unwrap this evening. He also gave good instructions about massaging and rolling, which I will do as soon as the bandage comes off. That’s about three hours from now. Then I’m going back for follow up tomorrow and Friday.
Overall, it’s been a really good experience. Everyone seems to be very professional and sed. The clinic looks how a clinic should: clean and well maintained. They were very polite and informative. So far, I have nothing but good things to say about Avanti. Of course, we’ll see what my Dick looks like in a month, and in ten years, but I’ve got a very good feeling. My goal for this session is to achieve ¾” of Girth increase, which would put me at 6”, or maybe a little above. My ultimate goal is to end up somewhere between 6” and 6 ½”. I think I’m probably going to want at least one more round.
I’ll be posting progress pictures throughout the recovery and growth process. Wish me luck. Lastly, I would like to thank the PhalloBoards community for putting me onto Avanti. We’re a great group of guys, working together to educate ourselves about a common cause.

Chapter V, 8/4/19
As you saw from the previous pics, I got very bruised very quickly. The bruising was even more extensive when I woke up on day 2. I had morning wood, as usual. What was unusual was that it took me a minute to figure out that it was an Erection. It was very soft, but it stood up.

I was late for my first follow up appointment with Ian and Dr. Morales, but they fit me in no problem. Ian massaged out a bubble that had formed overnight, and showed me what was wrong with my massaging technique. Now, I think it’s important that everyone considering this know that this does not feel good. I was also quite sore, and massaging aggravates that. But I’m sure it’ll be worth the discomfort. Massaging is also surprising in that it really doesn’t feel like you’re moving a fluid around. It just feels like you’re compressing a spongy substance. I saw Ian three times on day 2, which was fantastic. I didn’t expect that amount of follow up care. On the third session, because I was so inflamed, he gave me fifteen minutes of LED therapy. I don’t know how valuable that is, but it was nice of them to throw that in for free.
On day 3, I woke up with an Erection again. Oh my God it was so thick. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my tape measure, but I wrapped a dollar bill almost all the way around it. There was about a quarter Inch gap left over. A dollar bill is about 6 1/8, which means that my Girth was about 6 3/8. That’s a solid Inch beyond my starting Girth. This still wasn’t full EQ, but I did have one concern almost immediately: I was down by about an Inch in EL. My guess is that it will return as the swelling and inflammation go down. I very, very much hope that’s the case. The base was still quite sore, and I’m guessing there’s a correlation there. Still, it’s disconcerting to lose that much length, even for a short time. That morning, I got another massage from Ian, who moved some product away from the head. I asked about the loss of Erect length, and he confirmed that it does indeed have to do with inflammation at the base. It’s totally normal and should go away. On the second session of the day, he moved some product away from the underside. He and Dr. Morales agreed that I was doing very well. On the third session, he did more of the same, and that was it. My Dick felt quite a bit better than it did 24 hours earlier, and I was a happy patient when I left.
On day 4, I woke up feeling better, but surprisingly not with morning wood. My Dick was considerably less red than it was when I went to bed, and still enormous. It also seemed to be Hanging lower. Flaccid hang is a considerable factor for me, so I was very pleased. This was also my last day in Tijuana. The driver picked me up at the hotel lobby in the morning, and I was off home. For anyone who has never done the San Ysidro border crossing, it’s a trip. You get to use the special medical lane, and it only took us a half hour or so in line. You can clearly see that everyone else has been waiting much longer. There are vendors walking up and down the line, selling all kinds of stuff, and Customs agents with dogs sniffing for drugs. I was a little nervous about what I would tell the border agent, but it was pretty easy. He asked my business in Mexico, and I just said that I had a medical procedure done. He asked if I was bringing anything back with me, and I said I had two medications. He didn’t ask any further questions. I got to the airport three hours before my flight, and there was no line whatsoever at security. I don’t think that’s typical in San Diego, so I counted myself lucky. Then I just hung out at the bar for a long time before my flight. When I got home in the late afternoon, my Dick looked even better than it did in the morning. The inflammation had continued going down, and the natural color was coming back. Even so, I still haven’t had a decent Erection since the procedure. It’s been much softer than normal, and it’s strange that I sometimes don’t notice that I even have it. Hopefully that improves over the next few days.
My opinion of Avanti Derma is overwhelmingly positive. Dr. Morales and Ian were both exceptionally diligent and attentive. You can even text Ian after hours, and he does answer. They both said they were very confident in my result, and I am too. Even though my Erection quality is way below where I want it, and the length has decreased significantly, it’s still absolutely enormous. I’m also not getting Erect nearly as often as I’m accustomed to, and I hope that changes soon. Basically, being a few days in, so far so good. The best advice I can give to anyone thinking about doing PMMA is to stay for as long as you can afterward, and let them help with the aftercare.
In case anyone is curious, the three drugs they gave me were Cafelexina, Tamsulosin, and ibuprofen. One is an antibiotic, one is a prostate medication to help you hang lower, and one is an anti-inflammatory.

Chapter VI, 8/14/19
Starting when I left Tijuana, I began measuring every day and waiting for the growth to happen. I have been especially excited to see my length return to normal. On day 13, my penis looked and felt basically normal. Still about .5-.75 under my original EL, and I'm not crazy about that part. On the other hand, my EG is 5.75, which is a half Inch of gain. I'm really hoping the collagen starts doing its thing soon. I really liked being over 6 for a few days, and I'd like to end up back there.
On day 15, measured myself at 6" Girth three times, and I was really happy about that. I also started to notice some irregularities though. I don't think anyone but me would ever notice. I have no nodules or small, hard lumps. I tried to get a decent Erect pic, but it just wasn't working for whatever reason. Unfortunately, I'm still down a bit in Erect length. The short version of today's experience is that I'm pretty happy with my results so far. Four weeks until the final result.

Chapter VII, 9/9/19
By around week 4, my Girth seemed to have leveled off at 6”. Maybe a shade under, as it varies from one day to the next based on EQ. It’s been there ever since. During week 4, I gave my new unit its first trial on a girl.
I’m going to skip the story of how this encounter came to pass. When I had her in bed, she was feeling my Dick through my pants, but she didn’t say anything. When the pants came off though, she said commented “wow, you’re big. It felt big, but I didn’t want to say anything, but wow.” She spent a couple minutes sucking, and it was amazing to see her struggling to hold her mouth open wide enough. Pretty soon we moved on to the main event, beginning with doggy. As I pushed in, there was a very audible gasp. When I got halfway, I asked her how it felt, and her only response was “You’re really big!” We got into a rhythm, did a couple different positions over the next few minutes, until we both noticed that there was blood on the condom. That’ll my Erection real quick. It was alright though. I changed my condom, and finished with oral. At no point did she cum. She was both short and very petite, and maybe I need to stay away from that body type from now on. More experiments to follow, hopefully.
Last weekend, I was at a big music festival for the Labor Day weekend. I was drunk most of the time. On the first morning, as I was walking with my friend to the showers, I was approached by an attractive woman. She was slightly older, perhaps 35-40. Pretty hot. Honestly, I don’t even remember what she said at first, but we went from eye contact to making out within about 15-20 seconds. That only lasted a very short time, until I (tipsy) leaned over and whispered into her ear, “I have a big Dick.” She then asked me to pull it out, which I wasn’t about to do. However, I told her to feel it. It was about half Erect. She grabbed it and said, with a devious glint in her eye “That’s acceptable.” We traded phone numbers. I actually had difficulties with my new phone, and didn’t know I wasn’t receiving texts, and so that never turned into the hookup I wanted. Still, it demonstrated that she was very interested in big Dick, and I was the man to satisfy that urge.
I’m also experimenting by subtly advertising my size on Tinder. It’s too subtle so far, and so it hasn’t worked. However, I brought it up with one match, and we have a date on Friday. We’ll see how that goes. She insists that she was with one guy who was “off the charts.” That’s cool and all, but now I’m afraid that I’m going to disappoint.
Lastly, I’m now considering round 2. I want to try it out on a few more women first, but I think perhaps a good goal is 6.25-6.5 Girth.
My question for the community is how big is too big. I rarely have sex with moms, so I’m primarily thinking about fit girls in their 20s who have never had kids. How girthy is too girthy for that kind of woman?
Note: I wrote this a couple months ago, and I still haven’t decided on how big is too big. I gained approximately 5/8-3/4 on my first round. If the same happens on the next round, I’ll be about 6.75 around. Is that too big for a lot of women? Would it look strange with my length?

Personally, I think your unit looks really good and your size is very big. I'd quit while your ahead. I think you've had an amazing result and I don't see how going bigger would improve your sex life. Yes, I'm sure there will be plenty who will like it even bigger, but I'd bet the majority of women would prefer it the size it is now.

Results look really good. I can absolutely understand the quest for more. I noticed you skin is rolling over the glans in some pics. Has that result stayed due to the added Girth, or has it settled down to non coverage? Honestly, I think that’s a nice secondary perk.

hoddle10 wrote: Personally, I think your unit looks really good and your size is very big. I'd quit while your ahead. I think you've had an amazing result and I don't see how going bigger would improve your sex life. Yes, I'm sure there will be plenty who will like it even bigger, but I'd bet the majority of women would prefer it the size it is now.

Thank you. You may very well be right about that. It's just so difficult to know, since women are so disingenuous on that topic.

Javalon19 wrote: Results look really good. I can absolutely understand the quest for more. I noticed you skin is rolling over the glans in some pics. Has that result stayed due to the added Girth, or has it settled down to non coverage? Honestly, I think that’s a nice secondary perk.

It's pretty much gone now. I wasn't a fan of it, but it wasn't the worst thing either.

That's a great unit. You already had a really big penis.

shesaidavg wrote: That's a great unit. You already had a really big penis.

Thanks very much. Yes, I was above average before. Now I'm big. It's hard to resist the urge to upgrade to huge.

Was your length stats BP or NBP?

That was BP.

New1inch wrote: Was your length stats BP or NBP?