TOPIC: And so my journey will begin... PMMA.

Sorry in advance, this thread already started out way more long winded then I had planned....

Hi guys, I figured I would start my thread and document what happens over my upcoming journey.

As the mods will see, I just recently registered but I have been reading the threads on the forum for the past 3-4 months continually. I didn\'t dare register in fear that my email would sometime be left open and either my wife or someone I knew came across emails or notifications from the forum. How could I ever face her and what kind of harassment would I suffer from my friends if one of them were to see?

A little about myself:
I am in my early 30s, married, and have three kids. My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years.

I have always had a complex about my penis. Growing up, I was that same boy I read in so many of the threads that absolutely dreaded gym class because of the shower situation after. I never showered in the group showers. I would quickly stand in the corner, change, and make my exit. I did not like wearing sweatpants in case they hung badly or it got windy, I love the water but feared getting in and out of the pool. As a teenager, I really worried about my size and missed out on all the fun aspects of experimenting with girls through high school. I used to look through muscle magazines to find the penis enlargement ads and then dream I could find a way and sneak away to become \"more of a man\". I did measurements a few times during puberty but, unlike many on here, I stopped doing them rather early on. I found them depressing and unless I saw a visual difference that would warrant measuring, there was just no reason for me to want to subject myself to that time and time again. I am uncircumcised so for the longest time that was a huge issue for me as well. I heard the girls in school talk about how gross a \"toque\" was and classmates would make jokes about the subject. Being uncircumcised also does not help with size issues when Flaccid, especially in the winter... When I was just entering grade 12, I went to a party with my buddy, his gf, and her sister. I had a huge crush on the sister (since grade 9) and had been unable to muster up the ability to make an advance or ask her on a date even though she was recently finally single and I had been told multiple times that she was interested in me as well. She already had some sexual experience I knew of, 4 ex-boyfriends, and that made everything that much more intimidating. I decided that night was the night. But, I did not plan it well and, although I drove I decided I needed liquid courage. I was talking with some friends when she came up behind me, she reached into my pocket to grab the keys and I felt her hand make contact with my now almost none existent penis. It was about 0 degrees F out and it had turtled well inside me, prob not more then an Inch of shrunken skin and a bit of my head remained. I jumped and tried to pull away, and when I turned I could see the surprise in her face and eyes as well. I knew she felt it. I shrunk away in embarrassment and later that night one of the other guys from my class was making out with her, they spent the next 2 years together and I spent a long long time traumatized again.

I was 19 when I finally lost my virginity, and it was the second time I ever made out with a girl. I was prob slightly above average looking, but covered in insecurities as the time. After that first time though, everything changed. I can\'t say I would ever qualify myself as an exceptional lover, I never heard the deep groans and had a woman go crazy and run her nails down my back while losing control while using my member, but I never had a woman lose interest in me right after we had sex so I kept telling myself that meant something. Over the next 4 years I slept with just over 30 women. My friends were all heavily in the party scene and that was what we did, 3 to 4 nights a week we went out, and when we went out, we did so to meet women and hook up.

Since my wife and I were married my insecurities with my Cock have diminished greatly. Some days I look in the mirror when I get out of the shower and think to myself that I have a pretty damn good looking Cock for having the dreaded \"hood\" and I should count myself grateful. When I have a good rock hard Erection I would say I have a decent enough size that I shouldn\'t have such insecurities. But I still don\'t get in and out of the pool, and once i am in, I spend the whole time dreading having to get out. My wife is quite beautiful (yes, even after the 3 kids), and always gets lots of looks. I have this mental image that if girls see me get out of a pool with a small package they will smirk or laugh and embarrass both of us, and if guys see it it will be like sharks in the water circling my wife offering to give her what they see I evidently can not. Same goes with the bathrooms. If you walk in the bathroom and see me standing there, I am the guy trying to find a corner urinal or at least the farthest one away and then immediately looking straight ahead praying no one glances over. I can have a decent Flaccid Cock much of the time but it varies so much. It always seems it is at its smallest when a buddy steps up beside me or when we are out with a group and one of my wife friend\'s boyfriends or some single dude that I have caught sizing up my wife multiple times walks in behind me. It\'s a guy thing, a man thing, and it makes a guy feel powerful and dominant when he knows he is packing more then the guy beside him, I get it. The loss of self esteem at those moments can be really hard.

All that I have taken in stride though and until a few months ago, I had pretty much given up on having a penis that I could be proud of and that wouldn\'t be a source of anxiety. I work long hours, 12+ a day, 6 to sometimes 7 days a week when work is really busy (oilfield) with a few extended months off in the spring and I have a family I try to focus on when I am not at work so manual PE never felt like a feasible option.

When my wife and I first hooked up, there was more resistance between our parts when we had sex. We were younger and, I will admit, into experimenting with MDMA and would have crazy sex for entire nights till the sun was completely out and most people\'s work days had started. I may have not been the greatest lover sober, but on MDMA we could lose ourselves in each other for countless hours and both of us were more then satisfied. Then came the first baby, then marriage, then another baby, and things changed as they do. We didn\'t have the option of those long crazy nights and several quickies a week were about all we could get it. After the second kid I noticed her expressions when I entered her were even less visble. After our third, I noticed that while I was having sex with her she was trying to move her legs into different positions. I would be on top of her in the missionary position and she would bring her legs down and together in what I would later find out was an attempt for more feeling. Sometimes when she is really wet I can\'t tell if I got it in in certain positions or am just rubbing outside between her closed legs. If I am feeling it less, I know she must be.

Length is not an issue for us and not something I want to enhance, since the second and now particularly the third baby, my wife\'s insides have evidently shifted somewhat. Where before baby number 2 I was able to take her doggy style and go as hard and deep as I could, it now hurts her and not in the same lustful way I have read in descriptions on here after a woman has to become comfortable with Girth that fills her. She does not enjoy it and tries to pull away or lay down. So I am completely fine with my Erect length (Edited: accidentally wrote Girth) in its average state.

I want more Girth. I want to fill her, to satisfy her, to feel her moan and bend beneath me when I enter her. And I want a Flaccid penis that I can count on to stay a more regular size and not go from micro to quite decent to back to micro at the drop of a hat and at unwanted times. Last week after we got home from supper and a couple drinks I mustered up the courage to tell her I want a penis enlargement. She was startled, stepped back, asked why I would think I would need something like that. But there was something else, something so visible in her eyes, excitement. I told her I had my own insecurities that were partly to blame, but mostly for her. She tried to deny it for the first bit, said I was more then enough for her, but when I told her that I love every moment I spend alone with her in the bedroom and didn\'t want to look forward to spending that rest of our lives having just ok sex when I felt there is something I could do to really make things better, to give me that sense of pride that comes with really knowing you have the equipment to satisfy your wife, and to give her a tool to really offer her the chance at pleasure I wanted to atleast talk about it openly and honestly. When I told her I noticed how she was moving her legs to get more feeling and that many positions I could tell she wasn\'t getting alot out of, she finally opened up a bit. When it was all said and done, she was on board and wants me to go ahead with it for both of us.

I measured quickly last night for the first time in about 13 years as I knew I should add it in my inital thread today.


My Erect penis length is approx 5 7/8\" from the base at the front of the fat pad to tip.
My Erect Girth varies anywhere from 5 - 5 1/4+\" mid shaft depending on how hard and excited I get, I am fairly even Girth all the way down +/- 1/8 of an Inch or so, little bigger at base but not alot.

Unlike many I have scene that post Flaccid, I am unable to do so unless I took measurements over an entire month twice a day and then did an average. Last night my Flaccid was 4.25\" long and 4.25\" Girth which is about where it usually is if weather is decent, and nothing is constricting the area, but it can fluctuate greatly. At its smallest I would guess, although I have not measured, it would be closer to 2-2.5 in both length and Girth, which happens when it is cold, when I am in a hot tub or pool, when I wear to tight of underwear or a pair of jeans that are constricting, or just other random times.

Well that is it for my details for now and the start to my thread.
I plan to continue reading and researching over the next couple months until my next extended days off and then make my trip to Tijuana. My goal is 1\" gains, and I would like to stop at 2 trips unless I have major cosmetic complications or nodules that would warrant a 3rd. I have left 2 emails with Dr. C but am still waiting to here back on some questions as well as how long booking times are currently.

I am not interested in making 4-5-6 trips, and I am not interested in going over that 1\" mark. Bigger Girth I am sure would have its perks but that is what I have decided I would be satisfied with, still look symmetrical to my length, and as I mentioned, I would like my length to remain where it is for already explained reasons. This also has me somewhat concerned over the results members have being seeing lately per trip. I agree with most and am currently not all that excited about the risks for a 0.25\" gain. There are considerable risks with this procedure and the last thing I want is major complications or not being able to even pleasure my wife with what I have now, all for a 0.25\" result.

And so I begin....

First off, welcome!
I am glad to hear that you have thought about this and your goals. I think you are right in not wanting to gain more than an Inch in Girth. This is just my personal opinion, but once Girth begins to exceed length, things may start to appear out of balance. So from an aesthetic standpoint, I think you are right on.

Please keep us updated on your journey.

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Thanks for posting spartan. And congratulations on convincing the wifey.