TOPIC: Just some thoughts

Hi All

I have been reading and following this web site for sometime, back to the old one for sure. I started looking into PE about 15 years ago (I\'m 46) when I moved to San Diego from the east coast. I went to a doctor in LA (cannot remember his name) and had a consultation with him, not really sure why I went or even how I heard about it back than. (I\'m 6.5 x 4.8 - 5.2 around the mushroom, 5.3 base girth) by the way, so perfectly average. I never went through with anything at that time because the reviews on grafts back than were pretty dismal (not that that has improved). My quest for size kinda faded as I got into a few back to back long term relationships and than to my current one with my wife.

Let\'s back up, I started out by being very sexually active at a young age (lost virginity in 8th grade) and had several sexual encounters but the time I left college (150 women or so maybe?). In that time I had two encounters where I felt not big enough and had lots of repeat visits so I wasn\'t thinking about my size. I had even had girls cheat on their men or flat out leave them for me when I knew they were bigger, so size was way down my list of things to worry about.

I had great confidence in myself in just about every aspect of my life. I\'m good looking (although I have always thought this to be subjective like everything else), I\'m in good shape, 6\'0 and muscular, always played sports, and have been active, educated, successful in my work, etc., .

Everything changed and when my wife (she was my gf at the time) cheated on me. In her defense, we were not doing very well at all and I was actually thinking about breaking up with her and she knew it. , we had a great sex life but I just didn\'t think we had long term potential. after I found out she had cheated on me, I did break up with her. We were apart for a while and she came begging back, pretty much stalked me until I agreed to talk with her. We made up and things were actually better than ever and we fell deeply in love. Great ending right?, not so much.

One night, we got to talking about her cheating and the question of size came up. Now let me preference this by saying that my wife orgasms multiple times every time we have sex and I have a rare (from what women tell me) ability to stay hard after I orgasm and be able to keep going. Anyway, she informs me he was not longer than me, but much thicker as in she couldn\'t get her hand around it, her hands are 6\" long. . She swore she didn\'t enjoy it but I did not believe her, especially in that it was not a one time event but a handful. Everything I read told me that girth was better, she oragsmed harder and longer, etc. she told me she didn\'t cum with him and that she faked it and that sex had nothing to do with her cheating but that she knew we were falling apart at the time, no excuse but at least she dint say it was because of his dick. I didn\'t believe her. This caused huge fights with us to the point we almost split up permanently and did separate for a while. My obsession with having a larger penis made me tunnel visioned and I wasn\'t going to listen to anyone tell me bigger isn\'t better. You know what she did? She came to me and said she wanted to go take a lie detector test to prove it. I was blown away and said no way, didn\'t feel right. I would feel like a scum bag. She wanted to do it to prove that I was \"crazy\" as she put it and she felt it would help save us. So we went. She passed, with flying colors.

We\'re were fine and got back together and all was well until I started reading crap on the web about size, etc. my psychosis led me to accuse her of cheating the lie detector test. How messed up is that guys? I became so warped with the size thing that I negated the test, pretty sick thinking as I look back on it. I\'m better now, this has been a long arduous journey of mental anguish, but I still have a long way to go, I\'m seeing a sex therapist, it really helps. Im realizing this is all about something deeper and not about size at all. It\'s a pretty easy cop out for a man to say she left me for my small dick rather than I wasn\'t as nice or attentive or etc etc.....I can control those and not my dick....I still think about my size occasionally, but not like before.

I think I finally reached out here because if I can help just one person stop worrying about size, than I will be happy. I\'ve struggled with it, yo yo\'d back and forth between it matters and it doesn\'t , have lost countless hours and days of my life due to my obsession of finding a solution, My lessons learned from 5years of web surfing, size discussion, self loathing, etc. are these. And if you are still reading all this crap, God bless ya.

1) Size truly matters very little to some women and to most women not at all. And even when it matters it really doesn\'t.
2) don\'t let one more second of your life go by degrading yourself for something you have no control over and refer back to #1
3) don\'t ever do something (surgery, pumping, etc) for someone else\'s perceived benefit. (Cause you think she\'ll like it). She may not. I\'ve read stories where someone got PMMA and went from 5-5.5 on the first round and his wife didn\'t like it but went for round 2 and at 6inches she loves it???? I\'m thinking we can fool ourselves into believing the hype or maybe she just loves you no matter what? Or maybe had adjusted to your size and now it feels like it did before?
4) 99.9% of web sites that say size matters have alterior motives, selling something, etc, has \"plants\" or people that post on these sites posing as women.
5) if this starts to control your life, get help. Having your one and only penis mutilated is not worth the risk.
6) if you like porn, fine. Watch it with your lover, it won\'t warp your mind as much.
7) live life and help others, be kind, be a gentleman at all times, be sure of yourself no matter how things are going, show confidence even when your pissing your pants.
if you show a woman true love, no matter what your penis size is, she will never leave your side and would battle to the death for you. Believe that fellas.
9) if you have average size like me and you are obsessing, etc like I did. There really is something deeper you need to look into or your just vain, cause your size ain\'t your problem, ever.
10) if you get a procedure done, be educated, ask questions, get referrals, be sure. Than ask more questions, get more referrals, wait one more month, be 110% sure.

Thanks for allowing me this resource, Many of you have unknowingly helped me though some dark days with your words of wisdom on here. My goes out to all who have endured mental and physical pain here. Apologies for the long post. If anyone has any questions, To,fill in any holes, I would be more than happy to answer.

Thanks guys, this is a great site.
@messageman
You get to ask three questions on the test, the guy she chose was a specialist in CA and it cost me around $750. The three questions were.
1) was he longer than me
2) did she have an orgasm
3) was there any other instances of cheating

She passed them all from what the Dr. Said and showed me,

@CPW
I hear you. I tried for a long time to get my wife to agree to let me get surgery, She wants no part of it and swears that I already give her a stretch and full feeling. My head issues will,never let me believe that, sick. I\'m convinced she would love a little more Girth, but I also think a lot of it has to do with the confidence men are showing with their new \"size\" more so than the new size itself, Just my thoughts.

Believe me, PMMA looks very very enticing to me.

CPW wrote: @JCS8528:

Great post my brother. Amazing first post too!

Size really doesn\'t matter 99.9999% of the time to the ladies.

I\'ve recently gone through a couple of rounds of PMMA. I started out basically your size. I\'ve been with my wife for over 30 years. We\'ve had an active sex life. That wasn\'t an issue. She was/is happy as far as I know.

Does she love me more now post PMMA? No. It\'s not that.

Is our sex better? Maybe but not as often as it was.

So why did I do it in the first place? That\'s a hard question to answer. I\'ve been searching for it for a long time now. Here\'s what I think. When I first met my wife way back when the subject of her ex came up. She casually mentioned he was packing huge penis. Like 9\"+. We never talked about that again! But it did get to me. Before that conversation size wasn\'t a big issue for me. For the past 30+ years I thought I was small. As I\'ve gone through this journey I have realized that I wasn\'t small. In fact, my wife told me before round 1 that while I didn\'t have his length I was thicker than him. But by then I had 30 years of this thing in my head! She was fine with me as I was. I wasn\'t. So I went ahead and did it anyway. For me... initially. Now she\'s loving it so it\'s a shared thing. But it hasn\'t made our marriage stronger or weaker. And I am now much more at ease in the gym locker room. I\'m definitely a Grower so added that into my messed up perception. It fueled my sense of being small.

While I now realized that I wasn\'t small (but not huge either) and I had/have a fine marriage I still am happy that I have gone down this path.

Dude you started bigger than him you was 5.5 and he is 4.8 and yes the size does matter to woman but we dosent have nothing to do you got what you born with sure there is always the option to take the risk and go under the knife or syringe...

@JCS8528:

Great post my brother. Amazing first post too!

Size really doesn\'t matter 99.9999% of the time to the ladies.

I\'ve recently gone through a couple of rounds of PMMA. I started out basically your size. I\'ve been with my wife for over 30 years. We\'ve had an active sex life. That wasn\'t an issue. She was/is happy as far as I know.

Does she love me more now post PMMA? No. It\'s not that.

Is our sex better? Maybe but not as often as it was.

So why did I do it in the first place? That\'s a hard question to answer. I\'ve been searching for it for a long time now. Here\'s what I think. When I first met my wife way back when the subject of her ex came up. She casually mentioned he was packing huge penis. Like 9\"+. We never talked about that again! But it did get to me. Before that conversation size wasn\'t a big issue for me. For the past 30+ years I thought I was small. As I\'ve gone through this journey I have realized that I wasn\'t small. In fact, my wife told me before round 1 that while I didn\'t have his length I was thicker than him. But by then I had 30 years of this thing in my head! She was fine with me as I was. I wasn\'t. So I went ahead and did it anyway. For me... initially. Now she\'s loving it so it\'s a shared thing. But it hasn\'t made our marriage stronger or weaker. And I am now much more at ease in the gym locker room. I\'m definitely a Grower so added that into my messed up perception. It fueled my sense of being small.

While I now realized that I wasn\'t small (but not huge either) and I had/have a fine marriage I still am happy that I have gone down this path.

Thanks for sharing.
Regarding the lie detector test...I am guessing went to a place that conducted lie detector tests. Did you just have the one question about whether or not she enjoyed a thicker penis? And i am also assuming that a lie detector administrator asked her the question(s)..How did they respond when you asked them to ask that one question?
Just curios.
Anyway, I feel your pain....

Fully agreed, excellent, level headed post. It has been said many times before, but there are many men here dealing with demons, and we all need to do as much as we can to reassure each other. Self hatred is so poisonous, and life is too short not to enjoy it and bring joy to others because of our mental hang ups.

@Jcs8528, thanks for taking the time to contribute and that was a fantastic first post.

BP, but I have very little fat pad so maybe 1/4\" or less?

6.5\'\' bp or nbp?

@Xthin:
All the more reason it\'s in our heads. Numbers are just numbers.

Granted, I\'ve been out of commission for 30+ years but let\'s be honest here. Size is more a concern with us guys than the women. There will always be bigger guys. It doesn\'t matter. I\'ll bet that if you\'re in the range of average most women (like 90%) would be more than fine with it as long as it is functional. There are way more important things that make up a strong relationship. That\'s the point of the original post. I agree with him. I\'m no expert but I have lasted longer than most in terms of marriage.

There was a study published not long ago about the perfect penis size based on dildo size. You should look it up. The optimum size is a lot smaller than we all think. Something like 6\"x5\" is ideal.