TOPIC: Open forum discussion about addiction and compulsive behaviors

Well I have been pm\'ing with a few members about addiction. Including drug, alcohol, sex and pornography. We thought it may be a cool topic to put out there for open discussion for all of to talk openly about our experiences.

I have shared very openly about the drug addiction and alcoholic tendencies in my past. A member of two also shared openly.

I, we don\'t want this to be used as a way of glorifying drug use or addiction but maybe as a way we can all help each other understand our own addictions and or addictive behaviors and why we do the things we do and help each other......



So what do you guys think?

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Jd,
As crazy as this may sound, taking over his finances is possibly the worst thing you can do.

That just may avert the crisis that may lead to a change. If we cover up or try to control things that we are powerless over (that\'s people, places and things) them we take the responsibility from that individual, so if our plan fails it is now our responsibility to fix it, thus averting an individual from accepting responsibility for a self created problem.

That takes the dignity from the person to live their life anyway.


If you really want to help him maybe find a gamblers anonymous meeting and go with him a few times. That will introduce him to a support group with the same issues and let\'s him have the dignity to change on his terms not yours.

Once people get in a support group they can hear others with similar experiences and get a grasp on what worked for others before him. Then that experience, strength and hope comes from like minded individuals.

That would be like me taking PMMA advice from someone who never had it, or marriage advice from a guy that has been single his whole life.

That would be my advice if you were to ask for it,

which you didn\'t so all of this is hypothetical anyway......

Yeah, I saw that video and another on youtube that pretty much convinced me to lay off it. But I have to tell you that I jones\'d for it for a few times. Allllmost hit that website again, but didn\'t. Now I\'m not missing it and am looking forward to maybe getting hard on my own eventually. Started taking 5mg Cialis daily actually today. The lig cut didn\'t help. Cut some sensitivity to my pecker, so I may still take a while to orgasm. Still, for me, getting it up and keeping it with a chick is my goal!
About the porn, I never intended on viewing any until a party at my house, my so called buddy turned me on to a free website. Man, with so much free porn, I couldn\'t resist, but it changed my friendship with him. We should never turn our friends to negative influences.
About turning to faith, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I try, but this gal I\'m talking to now is so seductive that I\'m nuts over her (Lord have mercy!), and she\'s Christian too!
I know I\'ll hit a homer when I want, but I\'m playing it cool right now, and she\'s ok with it. I actually wanna wait until I get PMMA and the healing after. So my excuses are that we work together and I don\'t want to compromise our employment with the boss. Lies, lies, lies!
I\'m sure glad I have a Savior though!

.

Resto
*level headed??? That\'s the product of many years of seeing a therapist and lots of years of 12 step meetings.


Astro,
Thanks for sharing.. rock on my friend, lots of porn induced ed to way too many guys.

It\'s so easy now. Growing up we had playboy and mags. With the Internet anything is at our finger tips.

Go to that site.. www.yourbrainonporn.com

Ot explains how to reboot and get the neurological things back in order....

It helped me a ton. Faith is great place to start too. Celebrate recovery is a god centered 12 step program.

I lead a step study and a men\'s open share group at my church, I\'ve seen so much good in so many lives changed by a simple program, all for free too

Wow - you seem incredibly level headed despite all that...damn. That\'s crazy.

Yeah, that stat is really hard to believe. It\'s fucked up that so many predators exist. I mean, they could even make a show about it that had an unlimited supply of them!

Resto,
That is much more common than one would think it is. My wife is a perfect example of that statement. Most ism\'s have several faces of diagnosis

She is a recovering addict and alcoholic, who is still (since Oct 6th) in a inpatient treatment facility for her eating disorder. She is bulimic (binge eats, purges or pukes it up then binges some more).

She is also diagnosed with clinical depression. That\'s 4 axis of diagnosis. I also have 4, alcoholic, drug addict, sex/porn addiction, and a gambling addiction.

Sadly it is her third such facility in as many years. It stems from being sexually abused when she was a young girl, maybe 10 or 11.

The drug use for her started around 13 or 14. Her usage has put her in many situations that normal people don\'t get into. I will not go deeper on that but freaking weird shit man ,even for me.

She and I have a similar story. I was molested for 3 years. That\'s what started my drinking, drug use and sex addiction. I had sex with any willing girl, I guess I was trying to prove something to myself in several ways. I was also slinging dope by 16.

It\'s very common, people who were abused tend to go one way or the other. Either very sexual like me or the polar opposite like my wife. Most of the time there is drug/alcohol abuse as well.


It is sad that one study showed that one in 4 people have been sexually abused before the age of 18. Whether it was date , molestation ect. Most people will never talk about it due to feeling shame, or simply not knowing or understanding why it happened.

They are simply victims and unfortunately many are victims their whole life. They are handcuffed due to someone else\'s actions. This sets the stage for drug use, alcoholism, sex addiction everything....

I\'m not saying that the cause for all ism\'s or addictive or compulsive behaviors started with sexual abuse, but most behaviors started due to some kind of trauma that was not dealt with...

Shame is so powerful....

If someone has addictive tendencies, I would suggest that they not utilize PMMA for enlargement or at least approach with caution.

Yeah, totally agree. It\'s not gonna solve anything when there\'s an underlying addiction issue.

This is just a random story that probably prevented me from being a bigger drinker: I used to drink casually, but I got so turned off being a bartender (usually the opposite happens with bartenders being total alcoholics). People would come in normal & intelligent...sit at the bar sometimes & chat... and drink, drink, drink - and turn into a total mess. They, of course, had no idea what they appeared like. Watching it was just such a turn off to me, regarding alcohol. My close friend\'s parents were near-alcoholics, and she wouldn\'t touch the stuff for the same reason. She just didn\'t want to be like them.

I\'ll never forget the woman who was working, and drinking one glass after the next while emailing her coworkers on her laptop...as she started slurring her words. I was like - those emails must be reaaaaly fucked up. She was some senior person at a major bank, too. This was when I worked in a hotel & she was a guest, so we didn\'t really have to cut people off (and the location wasn\'t where people go to \"party\") - which is a whole other messy situation that gets ugly. The parking in the area was $50 a day so almost nobody was going to drive there, either (which basically would your liquor license for a year if the cops decided to blame it on the bar - rare, but they absolutely can based on the the dramshop laws). Anyway, sorry for the tangent - but the point is - I know some addicts & saw plenty of messy drinkers, and I think that helped me not be one.

I have a friend who has been sober 10+ years, and he just told me this last week that he binge eats. We were talking about how I lost about 15 lbs (from the mess this summer / fall) - and I said am actually less hungry now because the sugar / insulin spike cycle is gone by eating less crap. But, there\'s some kind of biology / brain chemistry underlying all of it, I think - on top of social and emotional triggers.

Sizemic,

for me I struggle with the whole porn/masturbation when I am bored and alone. It has been very tough

while my wife has been away in the treatment facility for her bulimia. She has been away since October

6th. I get to see her once a week during a couples therapy session.



She came home Dec 24th thru the 26th only due to having major abdominal surgery on the 20th. She was

in the hospital for 3 days for recovery and came home for 2 more. It was the 1st time she was home and

in our bed in a long time, with zero chance of getting laid too. What a bummer that was, but it was

awesome to have her home for 2 days.



I have actually chosen to stop looking at porn. A reboot so to speak. There was an interesting website I

came across, and what a trip it is because it is so correct. Check out

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Its an actual scientific study on the risk vs reward side of our brains, im sure all addictive activity comes

from dopamine release and pleasure receptors in our brains.


check it out its a deep concept and look into the why we do certain things

Briceb,
This was part of our conversations, how that anything can become an addiction including pe.

Our thoughts were that if we can get people talking about the what, where and why of addictions.

Once someone understands or discovers their personal triggers, that there may be some peace or understanding of the how and why we do things.

That may bring some recovery into their lives, possibly changing for the betterment of their lives.

At the least it can open eyes and bring awareness to how easily things can become addictive....

That was the sole reason about not wanting a thread to glorify addictive behaviors but to rather openly discuss and find possible solutions or better awareness of actions....

It seems to be that there are more than a few guys here in 12 step programs, that can offer intelligent discussion that is recovery based, with insight, experience, strength and hope in a very healthy manner

I am going to throw this out there and trust me, it is coming from a place of care/concern.
If someone has addictive tendencies, I would suggest that they not utilize PMMA for enlargement or at least approach with caution. The reason for this is that it is possible for one to become addicted to penis enlargement as well, pushing for more and more, possibly to their detriment.
Maybe I am way off base, but I wanted to at least mention it.


It is still just as easy for another person to get addicted to penis enlargement, the satisfaction of being bigger, etc. So we should all be cognizant of this.

Thanks for posting this. I did a little thread about my sex / arousal addiction back in 2012.

The sad truth after looking back is, even though I\'ve calmed down A LOT in my sexual exploits and impulses, I still very much struggle with a lot of the same things... I mean I watch slightly less porn, I jerk off slightly less... I have less random partners (I\'ve been seeing someone quite quite seriously in an \"open\" relationship so I have slightly less random sex) and I don\'t really fantasize about being bigger now... but man kind of depressing to read some of those things and see that I still definitely struggle daily with it.

That\'s way cool, I thought you had said you were in control of his finances. That can sometimes spell disaster for both parties that\'s all.

I\'ve seen it alot in my GA Meetings when people enable it helps no one most of the time.