Hi New1inch - Life is not a problem to be solved, but rather a mystery to be lived.
I\'ll try to not get too carried away this time and write something a bit more constructive.
The world that you see around you is not the real world. Not that it doesn't exist - it exists - but you are seeing it through a screen of sleep. An unconsciousness is in between; you look at it, you interpret it in your own way; you are like a drunkard.
When you care too much what others think you are open to manipulation. When you care less what other people think you become a more honest person because you don\'t have to pretend so much.
\"Rejection is a word, fear of a rejection is a feeling, overcoming fear of rejection is an action, and actions speak louder than words.\" -UNKNOWN
One of the most important things to understand about fear of being rejected is that it is driven by emotion. It is not thoughts that cause you to act this way, but rather the way that you feel.
If you have an inferiority complex chances are you feel more comfortable spending your time with people you feel aren\'t too accomplished or successful or good looking or confident themselves. You probably prefer being with somebody you feel is not going to judge you too harshly.
Fear of rejection is among the most potent and distressing of events that people experience. Emotional rejection is about the feeling you experience when not achieving something you desire. Fear of rejection is an irrational fear of not being accepted for who you are and is caused by lacking confidence and self-esteem.
POSSIBLE CAUSES:
- Physical condition that you believe makes you unattractive to others
- Being rejected as a child, abandoned or unloved
- Traumatic experience of rejection (emotional scar)
- Lacking healthy self-respect, sense of self-worth, positive self-esteem
- Early social isolation
- Never full-affirmed in families of origin
Fear of rejection can lead to co-dependence, clinginess, obsessive behaviour, jealousy, or angry behaviour. It can also make you reject others to avoid being rejected yourself.
FEAR OF REJECTION AS NEGATIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE:
If your self-image is too closely tied to what others think of you (or a part of you) or how well you relate to others, then fear of rejection can be a threat to your whole self-image. That in itself can create a lot of anxiety. If you are used to defining the core of your Self or your future as \"popular,\" \"married,\" \"well-liked,\" \"a leader,\" \"wanting to be \'normal\' and fit in\", or the like, then threats to any of these self-concepts may create a great deal of anxiety. Or you may view your life script as being married, having children, or having a number of close friends. To the degree that any of those expectations are threatened, and you cannot see how you can be happy without them, then you will experience anxiety.
How can you overcome fear of rejection due to threat to your self-image or life script? You must define yourself and your essence in a way that does not depend upon what others think. For example, if you define yourself as someone whose main goals are to seek happiness for yourself and others; treat others kindly, honestly, and assertively; be a person of integrity; and not worry about other\'s reactions to you, then meeting your primary goals will not be dependent upon what others think. Your happiness will be in your control, and you will feel much more secure.
On the other hand if you define yourself primarily as someone who must be loved and accepted by others, then your happiness will be in their control and you will always feel insecure and anxious at some deep level.
PRACTICE:
(1) Make a list of at least 10 important general characteristics of yourself. (2) Examine items on that list which are \"interpersonal\" in nature. How would you feel about yourself if all of these were threatened at once? Could you still love, respect, and take good care of yourself and still be a happy person? If not, then try to re-examine what changes need to take place in your beliefs about yourself to become less dependent upon others and their view of you.
SOLUTIONS:
Replace loneliness thinking and self-depreciation thinking with positive thinking that makes you happier and more attractive to others. You do not need to be over dependent on the approval, recognition, or affirmation of others to feel good about yourself, your life, or to enjoy life and be happy.
Avoid real obstacles and/or irrational fears/beliefs.
- Do you want to improve your ability to form new relationships?
- Do you fear or dislike being alone?
- Do you feel lonely too often?
- Has a relationship ended and you want to feel better about it?
- Are you too worried about pleasing others?
REMEMBER THIS:
You are attractive to another person to the degree that that person perceives you as potentially contributing to their happiness. You are not responsible for their happiness, you are only being yourself and giving the gift of your presence and actions. You are only hoping these gifts will contribute to their happiness. Each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness.
Want to write more, but getting tired. PM me if you need more input such as \"Relationship Intimacy Hierarchy\", etc.
