In India they have a symbol - Ardhanarishwar ' half is man, half is woman; half Shiva and half Parvati, his consort. Lovers join together but on the surface they remain two. The body is two, on the surface the banks are two; in the depth the souls have mingled and become one.The room is dark, you bring two lamps into it, two candles into it. Those two candles remain two, but their light has mingled and become one. You cannot separate the light; you cannot say, \"This light belongs to this candle and that light belongs to that candle.\" Light has mingled and become one. The spirit is like light, the body is the candle.Two lovers are only two bodies, but not two souls. This is very difficult to achieve. That's why love is one of the most difficult things to achieve, and if even for moments you can achieve it is worth it. If even only for moments in your whole life, if even for moments you can achieve this oneness with someone, this oneness will become the door for the divine. Love achieved becomes the door for the divine, because then you can feel how this universe exists in the many and remains one.But this can come only through experience ' if you love a person and you feel that you are two and still one. And this should not be just a thought but an experience. You can think, but thinking is of no use. This must be an experience: how the bodies have remained two and the inner beings have merged, melted into each other ' the light has become one.The many are just the surface; behind each individual is hidden the non-individual, behind each part is hidden the whole. And if two can exist as two on the surface, why not many? If two can remain two and still one, why can't many remain many and still one?One in the many is the message of the Upanishads. And this will remain only theoretical if you have never been in love.But people go on confusing love with sex. Sex may be part of love, but sex is not love. Sex is just a physical, biological attraction, and in sex you remain two. In sex you are not concerned with the other, you are concerned with yourself. You are simply exploiting the other, you are simply using the other for some biological satisfaction of your own, and the other is using you. That's why casual sexual partners will rarely feel any deep intimacy. Deep down they are really using each other. (not that there is anything \"wrong\" in this). The other is not a person, the other is not a thou; the other is just an it, a thing you can use. Deep down it is mutual masturbation and nothing else. The other is used as a device. It is not love, because you don't care for the other.Love is totally different. It is not using the other, it is caring for the other, it is just being happy in the other. It is not your happiness that you derive from the other; if the other is happy you are happy, and the other's happiness becomes your happiness. If the other is healthy you feel healthy. If the other is dancing you feel a dance inside. If the other is smiling the smile penetrates you and becomes your smile.
So go on having sex and enjoy it, but in your deep down what we all really need is love and a relationship that is more based on friendship than anything else. But be careful because that \"ship\" has drowned so many people.
