TOPIC: Why Do YOU Seek PE?

My story starts out with a virgin I dated. I knew I was small but figured she had no one to compare me to so I had little reason to be concerned. We dated for about 2 years and while the sex was semi-enjoyable, I always knew there was more to be desired. It didn\'t help that she felt a bit looser than I expected a virgin to feel like on our first fuck. She was a sweet and never pointed out my lack in size...perhaps because it was obvious, I\'m not sure lol. It was also difficult to dress in front of her, because when I turtled, I\'d look deceivingly micro. These things played with my head both during the relationship and years after.
Then there was my fascination with porn, which I\'m sure many of us can relate to. These bastards in the adult film industry aught to use average or below average sized men in the films so the rest of us can actually feel normal, but I suppose that isn\'t their objective. A lot of the guys they hire are rock hard, last forever, and sport lengths of 7\" + and girths of 5.5\" + , clearly just above the average range. No matter how much I tried to remind myself that these guys were hired because they were freaks of nature, I could not help but wonder if having that size would equal more confidence, and in turn, a better sex life.
But what really made me realize my smallness, were (believe it or not) PE forums. I started to read threads in hopes to find guys similar to me, since I\'d imagine that the bulk of guys visiting PE sites were small. But on the contrary... many of the guys I read were dreaming of making their 7x5s and their 8x6\'s bigger. There were many 6x5s who were almost deemed \"small\" relative to the rest of the forums users and I was hard pressed to find ANYONE on the site(s) that were my size. Wow... it was like, man I\'m really small. I\'m so small that I can\'t even find similar-sized men on a website that would logically attract them. I was in a gray area, above micro, but below average. My size was as common (in percentage) as guys with super cocks.
Having realized this made me realize another \"fact.\" Chances are, if I sleep with a woman who has had EVEN ONE other partner, that I\'m likely to be her smallest partner. The more partners she has, the more glaring my lack of size would be. So all this talk of EQ, chemistry, confidence, etc felt as if it had no application to me. I could have it all, but I could not escape the inevitable classification in the mind of my partner that I would have been the \"smallest she\'s ever seen.\" You would hope that I could meet women who were more concerned with my & character than my endowment, but over the years I have had a (horrible) knack for attracting size queens and/or experienced lovers.
So I decided to look into manual PE for length gains, but I knew obtaining the amount of girth I needed to consider myself adequate would be incredibly difficult to have via PE exercises alone. I say this because people\'s results vary with PE exercising, as does the extent of those results. I was not sure I had the mental patience or energy to endure months, if not years, of aggressive PE exercising (which poses risks in itself) to see whether or not I could make reasonable gains. Even a gain of 1\" in erect girth (which is a lot to gain via PE exercising) would not satisfy my goals.
So that is where Phalloplasty came into play. I was a member of both the Yahoo Group, MyNewSize, and Thundersplace for the early part of my phalloplasty research. I saw both accounts and photos of virtually every procedure under the sun, did a lot of private messaging (wasn\'t much of a forum contributor at the time), and had a gut feeling that this would inevitably be the route I took for girth enlargement.
My first real consideration was Dermal Fat Grafts, but began to really struggle with the amount of \"meat\" they\'d be cutting out of me to have it done. Then came the infamous silicone implant which yielded both positive & negative results. I had taken the implant option very seriously but never actually committed to it.
Then came late 2010 when MyNewSize was falling apart. I felt it was necessary I do this tainted topic (phalloplasty) some justice to myself and others and opened PhalloBoards. Since then, the advent of PMMA\'s popularity caught my attention and in the Spring of 2011 underwent my first injections. I chose this route on a number of considerations, which I will later elaborate on in my progress report. It has been successful in the short term, but only time will tell if this method is the real deal.
I still plan to get more injections, and I still plan to begin a traction/stretching campaign for length, because my pursuit for PE is NOT OVER.

SO how long have you researched PE?

Dd71 wrote: SO how long have you researched PE?

Many years for sure. Though the intensity of the research progressed with time.
What\'s your story Dd71 (if you are comfortable with sharing of course) ?

I always knew that my penis was small when compared to the other guys in the locker room. My insecurities about my size really started when I had to go shower in the dreaded locker room in high school. It didn\'t help that I have a cousin that could give most porn stars a run for their money either.

Still I didn\'t really let that slow me down too much chasing women and having sex when I was younger. I somewhat compensated by refining my oral techniques.

The worst day for me was when I was in the Navy (many years ago) and ended up in a whore house in Malaysia. Not surprising if you\'ve been around Navy guys. The girl I was with started giggling when I got undressed and told me I was \"small like Chinese\". That pretty much crushed my ego at that point.

When I got back from that cruise, I started looking at options. I ended up ordering a pump from Kaplan right after he started selling them. There wasn\'t much else out there at the time. I tried pumping on and off for a few years but never saw any real results.

Since then I took the attitude that I would live with what I have and focus on technique. That helped things as I learned how to please women, but my size has always been in the back of my mind no matter what. I ended up meeting my wife while in college and obviously things haven\'t been bad, but a couple of years ago my size started bothering me yet again. I bought another pump, a Bathmate, and started researching what surgical operations where out there. I eventually bought a Andros extender a few months after the pump and used that for several months. I did see some gains in length (about 3/8 of an Inch) from using the extender, but the noose system got to be so painful that I gave up on it after awhile and started looking at surgical options again.

My search led me to the PhalloBoards eventually and has really opened up the range of what I thought was possible. I have been doing PE exercises and using DHT cream and have seen some real gains due to it. I still want more though. I now have a 5 Inch Erect penis, still not a lot, but it is a lot more than I started with. I see PMMA being in my future as a happy new year present to myself, but I will continue with the lengthening exercises for quite some time until they come out with the majic penis grow pill.

My story continued, ( sorry about the format and run-on sentances. So many thoughts I\'m just trying to summarize)

She moved out and I felt good about it. Like I avoided a relationship blow out that would haunt me for years. I was Hanging out at a friends house and he mentioned that my x had contacted him. I tried to change the subject and play it cool but this fucker wouldent stop. He started asking, do you think she cheated on you? To witch I replied I don\'t care. He continued... \" I think she wanted to break up with you for a while\". I still played it smooth. \" she called brian to hang out at her new place\" frustration and anger kicked in.... Why the fuck are you telling me this?!..... \" thought you would want to know\". I don\'t care man...\" I just think the reason she broke up with you is interesting\"....
I snapped on this little sob, almost broke his nose. I haven\'t been that mad at anything in my life. He never said the words, because I didn\'t let him. Needless to say I don\'t talk to him anymore, but I\'m still reminded from time to time of this girl who attacked my biggest insecurity . I haven\'t been right since. With other girls I\'m experiencing ED. I don\'t enjoy going out anymore. Life has become a sad existence, mundane at best. I can\'t shake it as hard as I try. I\'ve overcome many obstacles in my life but this one is tuff. How do you change something that\'s out of your control? I get visions of this girl getting pounded by some huge stud and her having the time if her life all because he\'s well endowed. It makes me sick.
This site gives me hope, I\'m excited and nervous to get this done but I feel it\'s well worth it.

DD71 just listening to your story makes me feel sick ! For me Flaccid size was my only issue up until 4 years ago. I think my Flaccid shrinks more than most in relation to my Erect size. Something to do with having a type A personality with a high adrenaline level. I would basically avoid urinals and public showers like the plague. I found this stressful and depressing since I wanted to join in on activities. 4 years ago I met a girl who added a new level of insecurity, my Erect size. After sex one day she made some comment about me being not that big. I asked her to elaborate and a conversation ensued during which she told me I was one of the smallest she had slept with. I was frankly shocked since I am 6ins nbpel and size surveys suggested this was average. I later realized the problem was my Girth. I was 4.7ins base and 4.5 mid. I remember having a conversation with my brother who told me he was also 6ins long, I was relieved until he told me he was 5.7ins in Girth. This girl also told me her ex was huge, she tried to suggest 11ins long, but then later retracted that saying she had forgotten the exact number but it was abnormally large. None of this helped and I became obsessed about enlargement. First I had a temporary gel injected much like Dr C does with PMMA. It was soft and squishy , absolutely useless. 6 months later I attempted scaffold surgery which ended in disaster and a 2nd surgery was required asap to remove the scaffold. Following the second surgery I discovered my Erect Dick has lost 1ins in length and 0.5 in Girth. I was completely traumatized by this experience. My doctor told me to start pumping which I did. I don\'t know whether it was the pumping or just natural healing, but not only did my original size return I actually gained 0.5ins in Girth. For a while I didn\'t believe this extra Girth would stay, but it did and 2 years on I am still at 5.1ins Girth. A year ago I met another girl, who during sex would start to talk about large cocks ! I\'ve finished with her now, but my experiences have given me an insatiable appetite for enlargement. I find it very hard to see how I\'m going to be happy without increasing my Girth. These days with the way women are, it\'s hard to feel like a proper man unless you are big.

Mike, how long did it take you to gain 0.5inches with pumping?

It took several months, but seriously I don\'t think it was the pumping that gave me the gain. It may have been my body remodelling itself from the trauma combined with pumping. A few months back I have tried pumping again for 3 months, and gained only 0.1 Inch

Wow mike, I didn\'t know you had all these surgeries. How long ago was the scaffold?

scaffold was about 2 years ago. Did it with a guy called Londonlad who was on the MNS board. We both had problems.

thats interesting, i was under the impression that the scaffold surgery had high satisfaction rates. They say 85%

Growing up I was always that nice / shy blonde hair blue eyed boy that all the girls had secret crushes on; but due to my Christian upbringing, general kind heartedness and nice moral behaviour I never really paid much attention to it. Everyone likely grew up with a kid like this in your class. A cute boy that girls crushed on that was too shy / nice to \"date around\" with them. At least in the early years.

This mentality lead me to not really \"date\" anyone until I was around 15 years old. During this time we waited 10 months to have sex and I had sex for the first time when I was 16. I was around 6\" x 4.5\" at the time. Of course waiting so long we had it built up hope it would be absolutely amazing... it wasn\'t.

When I first put it in... no real reaction from her. She actually said \"Is it in yet?\". I mean... she was a virgin! She didn\'t even feel it sliding into her at first? Of course after a few seconds she started complaining about it hurting and she bled a little bit. But the damage had been done to my confidence.

After that I started searching the internet and I found Thundersplace. This actually made things worse for me because I read about the \"average\" size and I realized that although my length was average... my Girth was below average. I mean I know that 6\" x 4.5\" is by no means small. Just the thought that the average guy out there is bigger than me really bothered me.

That lead me down a ~5 year path of manual PE. I did a lot of Jelqing, Clamping, Hanging, pumping and ADS work. I only really stared posting at thundersplace after I got my vacADS from autoextender.com.

After all the years of hard work I measured out at ~7.5\" x 4.5\". I was very very dedicated to manual PE and I had a very postive outlook on it and an open mind which I think helped. If you don\'t think something will working when you start it, it probably wont work for you. Also it is important to note that I was 17 when I started PE, some of my \"gains\" could very well have been puberty.

Naturally, after 5 years of hard and dedicated work and no Girth gains, I got very frustrated. I searched around the net for options and ruled everything out because of the price and general unpredictable outcomes. That was until I found PhalloBoards and stumbled upon PMMA. Everything I saw and read just made me believe that this was the answer I was looking for.

That brings me to here. One bad comment lead to 5 years of obsession and a Girth enhancement procedure.

A couple of members have asked, so copied from the old site:

My story: I got to the PE forums due to a concern about falling Erection quality (EQ). As I got to late-30s, 3 years post-divorce, I started to notice a loss in EQ during sex and as soon as I ejaculated the little guy turtled and went fast asleep. I tend to date the 30 something crowd (and occasionally the 20 something) I did not want to get on the Vitamin-V train so I decided to investigate alternatives.

In all honesty I did not have a big concern about my penis size, I always considered myself a very average guy, not small. I am Erect 6.25” long and 4.75” mid Girth. I am also 5’10” and 175 lbs so definitely Mr. average, at least in the US. I played soccer, track, and swam in high school and played soccer in college and so have been in plenty of locker rooms. I am a Grower and can shrink down to 2” to 3” Flaccid but there are all different sizes in the locker room so I was not really overly concerned. The truth is that I was such a Horn dog in high school that any chance I got to have sex, I took it. The little head just took over and whatever insecurities the big head may have had was shut down from lack of oxygen!

Luckily I had one very good experience in high school which helped put things in perspective. I was Hanging out with a couple of guys from the soccer team when we bumped into a former teammate who had graduated 2 years earlier. He was Hanging out with a group of even older girls. Long story short we ended up back at his girlfriend’s apt. When all we paired up it was pretty obvious that the girl who got me drew the short straw, after all I weighed ~130 lbs, so pretty scrawny. My teammate who came with us was 6’2” and a muscular 195 so he got the hot blond. Skipping ahead I got the girl I was with to change her attitude by starting with a foot massage since she was complaining that her feet hurt. We were in the kitchen in the corner and could hear them starting to go at it on the sofa in the living room. After a minute or so I heard her say “slow down, slow down” then a low grunt and he came. This repeated 2 more times over the next 20 minutes. In our corner, whether from listening to them, foot massage or my sad puppy dog face, my girl (who I later found out was 26 with a kid) decided to do it as long as she was on top. She then proceeded to grind out 2 loud Os, and I mean grind, my pubic bone was sore the next day. The cute blond was very pissed with my teammate I later found out.

The kicker, my teammate had the biggest Dick in the locker room.

I guess the truth is that I have never been told I am small or rejected by a woman. I have been pretty successful with women; I made my century as the Brits would say before I turned 30. My only bout with insecurity occurred in college when I got into adult films and became convinced that if I had John Holmes Dick I would be so much better as a lover, despite a string of GF telling me I was nuts. Eventually I listened to the reality of the data.

The thing I am struggling with is I never considered PE or thought I was “small” until I got on the PE sites (PEGym, Thunders, and this one). Most members are talking about 6” or 7” Inch girths and the magic 8” x 6”. Now I find myself seriously considering first Alloderm and now ppma.