TOPIC: Question for guys w/ bad experiences - how do you deal with it?

Restoration wrote: Thanks Mustang!

Wow 9-12 months... geez. Well, that\'ll probably be my timeline when all is said and done. I guess sex was too much of a part of my life - and my friends always text me about their conquests...and I send a pic back of my messed up penis.

Is your penis pretty healthy and normal looking? I know post-elist situations can have plenty of issues. I\'m going to have this ridge for a very long time, I think...and fortunately it is in the circ scar area so I can say it was a Circumcision, but people might still be like wtf.

LOL....Sorry to scare you man. But I had a very different situation than yours. Once your wound is healed, you can have sex in a few weeks if you want, not months. For complete healing and stability, you know already it will take some time. But functionality will be there soon. Just find a hooker when you are ready....Just kidding, may be not

Bigben, those are really good points. I am too timeline crazed. Me and hoddle and this conversation in another thread where we\'d say \"ok by the fall i\'ll be ok\" - \"ok no by the winter.. ok no by spring...\" and I\'ve been doing this since March (my round 3). You\'re right it\'s just probably better to take things day by day and be in the present. It\'s hard to resist though... by my b-day I\'ll go out and have a ton of sex with people...or maybe not. I\'ve never paid for sex before. I know people who do - but honestly the hookers available around here would have to pay me. They\'re gross, IMO. And, in my old building, I\'d see hotter guys in the freaking elevator. Like HOT HOT model types (all straight tho) - my new bldg sucks. More gay guys but fug.

I\'ve been seeing a counselor...but my insurance is not great for mental health - and they give you like 40 minutes a week...which is less helpful than just talking to a friend of mine. I have a psychiatrist for cymbalta (which worked once upon a time... now I am just stuck on it...I don\'t think it does anything). He also does some basic psychotherapy. The day I got burned with silver nitrate by that Dr. Bloom, he saw me right away - and he was pretty helpful. He was pretty mortified when I told him my Balls got burned off (my uro was like wtf is that? when he saw the pic...he was like \"did they do this to you in tijuana too?\" - no - right here in america!!) They had to sterilize me today and it burned like crazy in the OR because my Balls haven\'t healed yet. I have no clue what they used...some weird tube with orange stuff they shook up and painted all over me. It has some alcohol in it, and I was like - can you rub that off please?? and they couldn\'t because it had to sit on the skin to the bacteria. ugh. After 20 min, it stopped burning bad, but I can still feel it slightly even now.

I\'m gonna go scratch them...lol.

Mustang dont worry you didn\'t scare me. It\'s cool - I mean, if I wait a while, I wait... then that\'s fine. The other nodules will soften (maybe) by that time too...and I\'ll be back to where I was before Round 3 ... one day...

My derm thinks round 3 happened like this because my skin couldn\'t stretch. He said it has happened to women\'s faces when they keep layering filler in.. but considering it hasn\'t happened to some of our beer can members on this board, I am not sure he\'s right. It\'s possible that the metacrill implant was too mature and just squeezed out the linnea safe... and maybe there was some problem inside of me getting the LS to stick to the metacrill.. but I think I had enough room. The LS stuck to my outer fascia (my uro didn\'t even dissect it...he just cut all the skin out... so freaking gross). Oh, and at the bottom (inside my penis - on the linnea safe nodules), it was still black / burned from the silver nitrate... gross.

Hey Restoration, don\'t underestimate your bodies ability to heal itself. The Sutures will flatten, I had the exact same type of suture in Feb all around my head when they took out the graft. There was a huge amount of Sutures, dried blood and a ridge where the skin had pulled together. Four days later it separated and you could see inside my tissue - and that was just on the front end. I had the same thing on my base where they had to get in to take out the graft from the base.

I thought I was completely mangled - but was relatively zen about it - I don\'t know why except that it was my 3rd Dick surgery. The second was after my Dick grew an Inch from a year of Hanging and they graft stopped abruptly and he had to go in through my Balls to shave the graft down down, leaving a large suture through my Balls.

In March I went to a doctors office in Manhattan for the open wound from the recent procedure and they made me feel like a freak and would not touch me. The second Dr. did but with a attitude that also made me feel like a loser. I hated myself for putting myself at the mercy of these people over my Dick and what I had done to it.

Today, the wounds have healed - there is no evidence of anything around my circ scar. The high ridge is completely flat and left no scar. There is only a thin line that is left where the wound separated that is no big deal - and only visible with a hard on (it was very similar to your pic). I had sex with a 24 year old 2 weeks ago who asked for a pic of my Dick so he could beat off to it later . I still have a thin line by my base. I pointed it out right away because I wanted to get it out of the way as I wanted to avoid the moment when he saw it, but he couldn\'t care less about it.

The Dick you have today will not be the Dick you have 2/3 months form now. It sounds like your surgeries are behind you - you just need to rack up some time to heal. Because of all your complications you have not had a long stretch of healing time. By the way, the tissue also fills in from the bottom up towards the skin, not just left to right so your dent may only be a dimple or not even that.

The story of your PE experience is not over. There are also more than 2 or 3 people on here that reported there lumps have gone on there own. Also give yourself some credit for living your life. You did something that most people don\'t do because you wanted to see what was on the other side. I have started business with that attitude, sometimes they have failed sometimes they succeed - give yourself credit for trying. Your sex life is not over, trust me - I have been there. (sorry for the long post).

Wow thanks Hunky Dory. That\'s interesting that they gave you the same vertical mattress stitch. Even that came open on you? That\'s like a 4 point stitch (per suture - there are 4 passes through the skin per knot). Did I read that right? I don\'t know if that image I linked to is exactly how mine looked...but I think it is close from what I saw online. I have to take a picture for the board on saturday when I am allowed to take the bandage off. I just saw it for a second in the OR and was like - oh jesus... that is scary looking. it was just a big fat ridge with stitching like the hem of pants. But, I only saw it for a second, and then I asked to see the specimen jar where a huge chunk of PMMA fibrosis and a lot of skin was floating. I can\'t believe he just cut it out like that... but I guess I had little choice to get the wound & sinus tracking closed.

There\'s been a lot of debate among the docs I have. The derm said I didn\'t have a sinus tract and didn\'t need a large excision. The uro said I did have a sinus tract and it all had to come out or I\'d just end up with a permanent hole there - and possibly an infection in the tract (he cultured it during the surgery but wouldn\'t do a biofilm PCR despite lemperle\'s email). So, I have been wondering if I did the right thing - and I guess I listened to the more \"famous\" doctor here...and a Urologist, who certainly has more penis experience than a Dermatologist. But, maybe the derm was more cosmetically focused and the uro was just being an aggressive surgeon type? Well, there\'s no point to second guess now.. The derm is the one who gave me the open wound, so I guess I have my answer anyway.

I can\'t believe this all started with that one Nodule I didn\'t like - and then it snowballed. If that wound closed, I wouldn\'t have seen the horrible wound care doc, and I wouldn\'t have had this large excision. At least my other nodules didn\'t soften, or I really would be mad at myself for not waiting. Everything is the same as it was around 4 weeks post.

I probably shouldn\'t ask this since I will not be changing anything about my size ever again - but what size are you now? I just wonder what makes someone want a pic like that.

Thanks everyone for these posts. I\'ve felt much better after this morning, seeing that big, elevated, stitch line on my penis in the OR. My Dr was like \"ok - all done!\" and I was thinking - you\'re done? What\'s that scar? Why is it standing up like that? Push it down! But I guess that is what the next 4+ months are for. I asked him if it would flatten and he said he didn\'t know. The goal was to bind the 2 healthy sides together with the greatest surface area...imagine pinching your skin on your arm and stitching that...that\'s my penis on the right side now.

Did you take anything like vitamin C or biotin or anything else? Or, did you apply anything to the scar site? I just was told to put on bacitracin...and I just am taking a multi-vitamin + extra C and biotin with rutin. I doubt that will do much.

Only the wound that went around my glans split - the vertical Sutures I had on the top of my shaft did not - but those got buried. Those were non absorbing stitches and the ones by the glans were dissolving. He sewed it in a way that the glans stitches were one long connecting thread around the head, and the doctor I went to in NYC did not know how to take it out, or so he said.

My current size is 7 x 5.25 - which is not bad, but nothing to the 7.25 x 7 I had, lol. With regards to the pic request, he was just really into me and was only 24 and horny. He was really aggressive about hitting on me so I went out on a date with him - it is usually me doing all the work so I thought why not. It also made me realize that I would rather date someone my own age - for most of my life my sex life has felt like it was scripted from porn and I am sort of over that, even though I had a lot of fun.

I still have some hyper-pigmentation so it will be hard to tell how noticeable anything is in the end until that goes as the suture areas did not darken. I should post a pic on my thread as it looks pretty damn normal considering what it looked like before. I took vit. C, biotin and antibiotic on the suture area. When it was healed I used (use) the Tamanu oil on it soften the scar tissue. I had raised skin at first and it felt though(ish) all around the glans area from the scarring- it is all normal now - probably time, but the oil is very good for scars. I also got a hand-job the other day and he didn\'t seem at all put off by my Dick and it\'s minor scarring, it is definitely more me. I think a few more experiences and it won\'t be an issue for me either. It is more about getting used to my new size that throws me. I got very used to a 7\" Girth (my starting size before any PE was probably about 6 x 4.5 - and I remember the male nurse asking me why I was doing this as there was nothing wrong with my size the morning of the procedure. This was almost pre-internet and definitely pre support groups like this so I had no idea what normal was.

I am sure you will be fine - you haver never had a long stretch of healing time even though this has gone on since March. Take the vitamins and use the bacitracin, and use the oil to jerk off with when the wound is closed and then let time do it\'s thing - remember it\'s only about 1% of your body mass - even if it is a very important 1%. Your body will take care of the rest.

Thanks a lot guys! I feel much better with that input. This has been a crazy ride since late march. I know I was always one of the more anxious board members even in R1 - so I really appreciate that you haven\'t said \"fuck off\" already (maybe some did privately).

In my first round, I had that beef jerky penis a few days after my PMMA and kinda freaked. A few people posted that they had similar distortions too (that normalized) - which made me feel a lot better. This board has been really helpful. At the time, wade fixed it and it was perfect the next day (you can see it in the early part of my journal - it went from beef jerky to a 100% normal penis).

Anyway, I\'m glad you all think the Sutures look good and it will be ok in the long run. My doc has a mild sense of humor about all this. He said \"well it\'s all fixed now so you can go back to mexico or whatever insane place and put more back in!\" I think he\'s still a little bit mad that I did this when he explicitly forbade me from having injections of any kind. But, I guess he did a good job - just more excised than I thought (and the PMMA was like an iceberg...I could only feel the hard exterior portion of the underside Nodule - but the thing went 3/4\" deep!). Anyway, this kind of surgeon isn\'t really the type to spend 3 hours dissecting PMMA out for cosmetic reasons... he probably removed a prostate earlier in the day. He\'s purely a medical Urologist with more focus on men. I felt like he was maybe too aggressive due to his background, but it sounds like it\'ll be okay. I just trusted him since he\'s basically one of the top male uro specialists, and he sees 100 penises a month with all kinds of problems. I\'ll keep you all posted how it comes together and heals.